When DD (now nearly 3) was first born in 2015 until late 2016/early 2017 my then DP had an anger problem, he'd get upset by DDs crying and would lose his temper, hitting doors and putting holes in furniture. He threw a toy at DD once when she was about 18m old because she was in pain from teething and he couldn't cope with the constant crying, she was uninjured but so I defended him to hilt, and stuck by him to get sorted. We eventually married. And have been relatively happy since. He also has an ongoing health problem that he refuses to sort out.
DD has a few extra needs and as I work part time these are my job to deal with, I do all appointments, all paperwork (and there's quite a bit) all phonecalls etc.
I also deal with all night wakings, which can be up to 4 times a night.
Most of the time I manage ok with a bit of help from some antidepressants and a great GP who sees me regularly. I also have support from a local charity who support parents/carers who have children with disabilities and a specialist health visitor who calls us regularly too.
I have had the worst few months with my own health. Since October, I've had an ear infection which infected both ears repeatedly for a few months (I had it twice in each ear overall), a cold and uti at the same time, tonsillitis and i'm now on my 2nd cold. I'm run down, tired, and full of illness so I'm understandably a bit grumpy. Just as I seem to be getting over one thing, i seem to pick up something else.
This morning as DH was getting ready for work at 5.30am DD woke up. I went in, but she wouldn't settle, and wanted to start the day. She has an appointment later today which I'm having to take her to on the train as the cars in the garage.
I am usually very very patient with DD, never shout despite a bad speech delay which can be just as frustrating for me as DD. But this morning I did not want to play at 5.30am having only got back in bed 1.5 hours before after her final wake up of the night, I'm full of cold and just wanted some actual sleep.
So I told her I didn't want to play, closed the babygate on her room behind me, stuck my head in my pillow in my bedroom and had a scream and a bit of a cry.
I have never ever hurt that child deliberately (I stood on her toe accidentally once and cried with her when it happened), I have never ever even thought about hurting her. Yet H comes into the bedroom and says "Oh it's just toddlers for you, you need to deal with it and get up with her". After he left for work he text me and said I need a better way of venting my frustrations.
I told him to f**k off, I shouldn't of I know. But I just feel so alone and like it's double standards. He's allowed to hurt our child, damage my furniture and almost get us to lose our flat due to his outbursts but when I deal with my frustrations in what I thought was a perfectly appropriate way I get told I need to sort myself out basically.
I know it's not the same as major medical issues he has but whenever I've felt ill enough to not be able to stand up over the last few months I've been to the doctors,
So I did get up with her, we've had breakfast, a bath and she's now playing with her toys. I'm still frustrated, and have left the room a few times (we live in a flat so can hear her wherever I go) and shut the bathroom door for some peace, as she's tired and whinging but can't now have a nap as we need to go out in an hour to her appointment.
I'm working tomorrow so no break if DD decides to wake in the night. I just wanted an extra hours sleep 
I am preparing to leave H at some point anyway as I can't stand that he won't sort out his medical problem, if not for his own sakes but for his daughters. But this just seems to be adding to the reasons why.
But tell me MN, did I deal with this ok? I'm just fed up of being the default parent, particularly when I'm ill and living on no sleep.