Why are friendships so hard to find

[Greymoon2016]

Hi I'm feeling pretty crappy today I had a miscarriage over Christmas and I think it's starting to effect me now and at the time I most need friends I have none. I moved to
Where we live now three years ago and didn't know any one I've got to know school mums & my daughter's school is next to cafe and alot of the mums go in chat eat etc and friendships have developed between them but not me. They seem to like me and we have a laugh and Witter away but that's where it stops I get no invites to places or play dates with my children. I've tried invites the other way round it will happen once then fizzle out.
How do people navigate friendships nowadays?

Are there any courses you could do? A paint course, language or join a netball or badminton group? Or a running club etc

I would like to go to clubs and stuff just need to find the confidence to take myself along not sure who I am without my mum hat on 😊

Excellent. Choose something you'd enjoy and you'll meet like minded people who you will get to know.

Meeting people at the school gates isn't that easy though you could join the PTA? The trick is to go to something or join something where you'll interact and meet the same people regularly.

I think the key is to connect with people through whatever medium you can find.

I've met most of my friends through work, having moved areas.

If I wasn't working I'd probably try local mumsnet meetups, meetup.com, evening classes, charity volunteering, etc. IME volunteering at animal charities is great as you already have the common ground of valuing animals!

I’m not convinced meeting people at the school gates is the way forward. People are often rushing, harrressed or just cant be arsed with the forced conversation. —me—

You need to ask yourself some hard questions.
No 1. Is there anyone at the gates who you REALLY want to be friends with?

1. Is there anyone there who has a lot in common with you.
2. Are you a good listener or a good talker? Which one do you think is more popular?

Friendship comes through having lots in common, often parity in finances, confidence and the ability to be yourself, and proximity.
Plus the realisation that you can't change anyone except your self.
People who are happy and at peace with themselves and are not self possessed or self absorbed make good friends.
Actually not giving a monkeys about having friends also helps.
I am not easy going and have lots of issues but I know what I like. I want people to be my friends who are like me. Also I want them to give and take. I have had a couple of people who tried to be friends who were needy and suffocating, so don't be over friendly.
List what you really like doing and I bet most of those women at the gate have not got much in common with you.
You have to get out and join things and go to activities that you like. I started a book club as I loved reading.
Best of luck.

Just wanted to say 'you're not alone' - I had a miscarriage just before Christmas too. No DC but DP and I have just moved from London to the other end of the country and I'm in a small village (with no driving license - working on it!) Feel pretty damn lonely at the moment and all my friends seem to have drifted. As soon as I've got my license I'll be able to get a job and hopefully meet some people, and maybe join a club of some sort. It's tough making friends as a grown up!

I'm sorry for your loss - fingers crossed next time will be a different story eh?