Hi all.
I am 31(M) and my wife is 28. We have been together for 7 years and married for 2-and-a-half. We have no children and both have full time jobs. I am an engineer and she is a doctor. I really don’t intend for this post to come across as a massive go at my wife, but I feel that if I don’t vent properly it’s going to eat me up inside.
Before we got married my wife made it clear to me that she was career oriented, so much so that we have discussed never having children. I love my job as well so for the moment everything in that department is going ok.
However, I feel that my wife is prioritising her career above everything else, especially our relationship. For example, before we were married we lived 150 miles apart and saw each other almost every weekend. I had a somewhat senior position at a large firm which I had to give up to move closer to where my wife works when we got engaged (i moved about 150 miles from that old office so commuting wasn’t on the cards, we had had a sort of long distance relationship before getting engaged). She pressured me into taking any job which became available so I worked in a manufacturing facility for almost 1 year. It wasn’t bad work, but it wasn’t something which I loved doing.
Cut to now and I’ve moved job to a company which I like and I’m doing interesting work but my wife complains any time I have to travel and be away from home for work. It’s getting to the point where I’m thinking about having to turn down job opportunities at the office because I don’t want to have the argument with my wife when I get home and all of the guilt that I never spend any time with her.
Last year this manifested itself that she made me feel guilty for going running 3 times per week, she has made it very clear that she thought I was spending far too long exercising (it would be about an hour in total each time). I actually stopped running for a short time last year because of the guilt. I have since stood up for myself (what a crazy notion, standing up to my wife so that I can do exercise so I don’t end up on her operating table getting my heart sorted).
To make things even more hypocritical, she has now started travelling for work as well and doesn’t bat an eyelid when telling me that she’s going to be away for our wedding anniversary (I don’t really mind about that to be honest, the actual dates aren’t that important to us).
I have also got into a routine where I leave the house at about 6:30am so that I can leave work at 4pm to be back home in time to cook for us both. I’m more than happy with the cooking arrangements at home, I’ve cooked ever since I left home and it’s one of the things that I enjoy doing for other people. The problem is that my wife will come home at about 7pm (if surgery goes long), put her bag down, eat food, ask for a cup of tea, then spend the evening on her phone on instagram, Facebook, or similar. I’ve asked her a few times to put her phone down when we’re eating or hanging out but it’s just easier to let it go and for me to sit in sad silence while she goes through a celebrity’s fake holiday photos rather than have a chat with me. I don’t remember the last time someone made me a cup of tea.
You can probably guess that our sex life has gone down the drain. In the last 3 and a half months we have had sex (counting PIV and mutual masterbation) 8 times. Considering this period includes my birthday, 2 mini breaks, and the Christmas/new year holiday I think that number is low.
When I bring this up with her she has often promised that she’ll work on it and that tomorrow will be better. I’ve now gotten used to ignoring her promises of mind-blowing sex tomorrow, the promises never seem to come true.
I just feel like I’m a parent taking care of a moody teenager. I’ve given up career progression to be with her and make sure that our house is clean and she always has whatever food she wants. I’m rewarded with nagging and complaints about her work.
I’ve had more interaction with housemates than I’m currently having with my wife.
Last night was a big one for engineering with the launch of the SpaceX rocket. I asked my wife if she would like to watch it with me as it would only be 10 minutes and would be one of the coolest engineering feats that I have seen as an adult. She initially refused, wanting instead to watch something on TV. I watched the broadcast alone in our bedroom, then came back downstairs to show her what had happened. She watched the short video and then went on a tirade about how much money it costs, and that it should all be put to better use. All the while looking at her smartphone which is only possible through the launching of spacecraft to carry satellites.... it was like she took one of my great loves in life and said it was a waste of time. The only apology that I got for it was that she was trying to wind me up to get a reaction out of me.
Does this sound like a rough patch or the signs of something else?