If you were me, would you leave?

[crunchtime2018]

DH was my first boyfriend. Together for 12 years, married for 18 months.

I'm not happy. He is kind, friendly, loving. We have had lots of happy times. I have this strong feeling that it's the end - I don't fancy him enough, I don't like being married, I'm worried I settled out of fear of not having children. Ironically, I'm now 32 and I will jeopardise my future of having kids if I leave.

I want him to be loved as strongly as he loves me. I want to feel fulfilled and have a sense of adult sexual chemistry. I have had 6 months of counselling and now I need to decide. What would you do?

what's changed to make you not fancy him?

Did you feel thus way 18 months ago?

Our sex life is ok, but I never had that spark with him I don't think, as we were quite sheltered kids. We didn't have sex for the first 4 years of our relationship.

I married him because it felt like the right next step.
Now I am reassessing my motivates and my own feelings.

If you're not happy, leave.

I think once the genie is out, there's no putting it back in the bottle.

Yes and definitely before any DC.

Has he any idea of how unhappy you are? Maybe he feels that he has settled too, and will be glad of the chance to split up, and find someone new. Alternatively, he may be absolutely heartbroken and you will feel guilty. You only get one life though - take this chance to change things, at 32, you have time on your side. Good luck.

It doesn't sound like you feel the spark will return...do you want to fancy him again? Or his your heart not it?

If you're really done...and after 6 months of counselling...you clearly still feel that way...then you need to have a conversation with him.

For the first four years?!

Four Years?

Yes - religious families!

You're saying you've never had a sparke for him. So why are you reassessing your sexual life now? If you've been happy with it before the marriage then that shouldn't be a problem now.

It's a marriage of convenience. Could he be gay,?

You do have time to find someone else and have dc, but you need to make the break soon. In your place, I hope I'd make the break.

If you want to leave, go soon. Do not have s baby to see if it helps! It will make a split harder and you will be forever tied to him even when split.

Has the therapy helped? Was it specifically for marriage or general?

You aren't too old to start again but you need to get on with it if you want kids. However what concerns me a bit is your very religious background, feeling it is the end and worried you have settled. Do you think it could be a post marriage/pre-kids wobble or a reaction to a very strict and controlled upbringing?

How about trying a course of marriage counselling and exploring what you both want? It may make your decision much clearer.

If you think you have made a mistake and want to leave then go after that. Don't stay because you feel guilty or your families are disapproving. Be kind to your DH in the split.

Make sure your contraception is sorted whilst you are going through this decision. You don't want a surprise pregnancy to deal with too.

Good luck. I hope you feel happier in the future.

32? Ah, you'll be fine finding someone else for babies. Don't waste any more fertile time though.

It is obvious you know he's not the one for you but you are scared of not having a baby.

These boards are full of women who broke up with someone at your age, ended up in a better relationship and had a couple of children.

TBH I think friendship is a great base for a marriage. I've been married for nearly 30 years and I found that physical attraction waxed and waned but we always got on. I have had the a couple of can't keep your hands off each other relationships but that was really all there was to them and they wouldn't have lasted