Had my friend over yesterday and we were both feeling down 'life will always be like this' state of mind both in tears.
I said I day dream of meeting someone, having a loving extended family to join (have no family myself) and having a healthy mind. Be able to do more things with the support and enjoy life. It's all in detail and colourful. It looks amazing.... in a dream.
But in reality I have bpd. I have so many issues no one will take me on. I'm miserable, my moods are ridiculous & I have scars that show I'm batshit crazy. I have a dd with me ( had 3 dcs) I don't want any more kids and I couldn't be with some one who has kids for personal reasons. There seems no chance that I will ever meet someone.
Some days I feel sod it I will just stay alone But the thought of being alone and unhappy for the foreseable future makes me feel like I'm just a waste of life.
I even said to my friend if the ex, dds dad. Asked for another try, at this moment I would say yes but I know it's the loneliness talking and me grasping out for any love?
I ended it. I felt like we weren't going no where didn't feel happy and that he deserved better and some other things.
My head just tells me this will be the same with anyone so go into defeated mind frame. Not sure what this post will gain me but hope someone could make me feel a little better then I do 