Reaction to Sexual Assault

[IsThisMeToo]

I have been thinking a lot lately and I am wondering if my desperation to make the guy who forced himself on me (made me give him a handjob by grabbing my hand, wrapping around his penis, and pushing my hand up and down while wrapped around his penis) like me by meeting him again and again and agreeing to his sexual wishes a reaction to the initial date. It seems after that, everything he wanted to do (except have sex without a condom so we didn't have PIV) I said yes to eventhough I have never done such before.

This happened a decade ago. I really want to get over this.

I'm sorry he did this.
This is something you need to tackle on your own though.
Please do contact Rape Crisis.
They can help you with all of this and with counselling.
Please reach out for the help you deserve!

I think it's a kind of investment, there is a word for it I can't remember. Basically, if you could turn it into a proper relationship, then that would retrospectively justify what happened. In fact, it was wrong no matter any which way you look at it.

Op you have posted about this many times now, please take the advice and contact rape crisis. I'm not saying not to post but I definitely think it would help you if you speak to someone professional about it.