So here goes...
This is rather a long messy story but I will try and shorten it the best I can.
I was with my ex husband for about 10 years and we slowly grew apart and seperated about 6 weeks after my son was born.
A few months after we seperated I reconncected with with an old boyfriend that I dated more then 15 years ago and we just seemed to click and things moved really quickly. He was staying with me at my parents house with me and my 5 month old son, and after a few months he bought a house for us to live in on our own. Things were pretty good and he was very different from my ex.
My ex was pretty quite and easy going and never really had much to say about anything ( part of the reason we grew apart). So it was exciting to have someone who took charge and took me to dinner and got me flowers and made me feel important again.
Then after a few months in to the relationship the insults started. They were small at first just small jabs about the way I wore my hair or if I was going to put more effort into getting in shape after the baby. I have always been pretty small and always taken care of myself so I was pretty shocked that he said things like that to me.
As time went on thing started to get worse. He also has an ex and a child to that ex. She has always tried to insert herself into our lives which caused a lot of fights... but anytime I would speak up and say look you need to tell her to leave us alone he would start yelling at me and calling me names.
Then he would start insulting me for being a stay at home Mum and would tell me I was the dumbest Bi#%h he knew. Eventually I started to yell back and defend myself and tell him not to call me names and I would go into the room and cry myself to sleep.
Anytime I cried he would tell me to grow up and stop crying.
Then anytime he had plans after work and I would ask questions he would scream at me on the phone and hung up on me and start telling me I made him like that. While this was all happening I had a little baby boy who had colic and some really horrible sleep problems so I was struggling as a mother to keep it together on no sleep.
When I had hard night with my son I would have to sleep on the floor next to his cot as my partner didn’t want me bringing him into the room and waking him up. By the time he got home from work the next day I was tired and grumpy and he would yell at me and say why did you even have a kid if you can’t handle him. My son was always a non stop fight with him telling me to send him to my mums for the weekend or give him to his dad so we could have alone time, my response was always the same( I didn’t have a child to give him to other people).
The fights got worse and worse to the point of him locking me outside and driving off while my son was still in the house alone.( I broke in to get to him) then the fights turned physical and he would push me into walls and grab me and shove me into the floor while my son was watching. I know I should have left him by this stage but he seemed to always find a way to twist it back on me and make it my fault. ( I can hear how stupid this sounds as I’m writing it).
I eventually did everything I could to get my own place with the help of my family and I tired to move on. He continued to come around to my house and tried to make it work. Then I caught him lying about another girl and kicked him out and told him never to come back. A week later he came running back in tears telling me how badly he had treated me and how I deserved so much better. He begged for another chance and asked if he could prove himself so I agreed. For 3 weeks he was a saint, helping me bath my son and mowed the lawns and cooked dinner and called during the days to see how I was going.
Then the insult stared again and in front of my son 2 and his daughter who is 10. All because I wouldn’t drop him off and pick him up. He started telling me that the car I have was really his and not mine and if I kept it up he would just take the car back. So on Monday morning I dropped his car back and my parents have let me borrow a car until I get another one.
I guess what I need is some advise on if someone can ever really change or if I should just go no contact and try and move on.
We have been like this for almost 3 years now and my son is really attached to him but deep down I think we would just be better on our own even if that means struggling with money for a while.
There is more to this story but I’ll leave it at that for now. Thanks for reading and any advise would be great.