Would you ever disown racist family?

[LilacBearberry]

It really is just that.

Yes and I have

Well, it would depend on the situation.

My granddad will make racial slurs because it was acceptable in his day and he doesn’t care enough to correct it. I don’t like it, I tell him to stop being vile, but I wouldn’t disown him for having an outdated vocabulary and mindset. By racial slurs, I mean things like “that young paki girl friend of yours, what’s her name?” Not intended to offend, just outdated.

My DP is black. If a family member was calling him derogatory names and being racially abusive to him, then I would probably distance myself from them.

I have family members (uncles and cousins) who have pretty awful views on anybody not white British. They haven’t met DP so it’s never been aimed at him. But in general their views offend me. I don’t disown them but I let them know I don’t agree with their views. They’re very uneducated. You can’t reason with stupid sometimes.

So I guess in short, I would cut off somebody whose views impacted on me (DP) personally, but would just distance myself if I wasn’t personally impacted and they just had poor views.

Yes a distant-ish family member. We are not in contact and won't be again. I don't have time for people like that in my life and do not want to be linked to someone who feels they can discriminate or use racial slurs just because of the colour of someone's skin.

I only have one uncle who married in who makes underhand comments about welfare and immigrants etc. He's of Swedish descent. Rest of us are black Irish - we've felt the brunt of these policies many times. Very nervous at the moment because it's all about theft.

DS2 12 has asd and comes out with racial comments. I could bang my head till my brains fall out and he won't listen. Weirdly he gets very emotional and upset at ads for starving children of all races - he can't cope with those. Where we live there are no races other than white. DS1 went to a training scheme in England when he was 16 for 3 days and met other uk boys. They were fascinated that in our part of the uk (ni) in his school of 1200 there were only 3 indian/Pakistani pupils, 3 Chinese and the rest white.

I tell DS2 everyone is the same, no one better or worse, smarter or less intelligent, but as he's never met anyone of another race he's swayed by what he hears in the media/online.

He's the same with gay people. Thinks they will bring around the end of the world. Horrified when I point out the people he likes on the tv - who are gay - and he didn't know. That's another story.

Yes I would. It is completely against everything I beleive in and have no time for it. Gone.

Racism exists in all races.A really nice West Indian delivers medicines ; he's always moaning about how selfish and mean the Asians are.Is he racist or making an observation about an ethnic groups behaviour?

People of any race who make such remarks tend to be the most ignorant and uneducated.

No. My gran and her husband could be racist sometimes. I'd call them out on it but not disown them. Their comments were because their neighbourhood changed massively in the 50 years that they lived there so the local shops no longer catered for their needs. She felt like a stranger in her own country. It didn't stop her getting on with her immediate neighbours however. That was different.

In a heartbeat. I have a black husband and children and would stand up for them always. Thankfully my family are decent human beings apart from my grand dad who turned out to be rather bigoted. Who knew? I do now and haven’t seen him since his little performance .

I don’t engage at all with a close family member because he’s a Farage loving, Brexit screaming, Clarkson styleee racist
He didn’t used to be so bad but he married someone who also thinks Britain First have a point so it became a no brained.

Interesting he’s arrogant but with a deep sense of underlying insecurity. I used to feel sorry for him but he’s chosen to be a cunt so I’d rather not deal with him.

I'm not sure if anyone can say they are not racist at all or don't at least have certain stereotypes in mind about certain races. I work for a charity and that works with women from many different ethnic groups and once I get to know people they all seem to join conversations together complaining about certain races. I always feel uncomfortable and wonder if white people have just learnt you don't talk like that outside the home - unless you want to be labellled racist. Is that the kind of racism you mean or things like yelling abuse?

There is a different between racial stereotyping and racism
Assuming general tropes about races is human nature but learning that stereotypes don’t apply to individuals is what most adults do. As does learning that stereotypes can be incredibly damaging and adults are aware of their own potential to be unconsciously racist

This isn’t difficult but always fun to see ‘but do you mean the bad racism or the good racism’ discussion.

No, I wouldn’t. Some of my family have/did have very outdated views but I wouldn’t disown them. I am white British with an Indian DH and mixed race DC who my family idolise. But I really had a fight for them to accept DH at the beginning (same with in-laws). I still get the impression that my Dad is embarrassed by DH and SIL (my brother’s wife is Chinese) when he is with his football mates etc. But I love him to bits and I would never disown him, he is much better than he was since he has had to accept ‘non-white’ family members but can’t change the fact that he had strong racist views back in the day, and there will always be some element of racism even if he now denies it. Same for quite a few members of my family. But I’d never disown them, no.

I don't mean racial stereotyping (although I absolutely hate that too) as my dad does this a lot, he'll say "all (put a race here)" and will then be offensive, but when I pick up on it, he'll say "well not all, but just the ones I've met". Which still pisses me off, but I can deal with it.

It's my mum and sister that's the worst. I mean, I wouldn't disown them, but I don't know how I'll feel when I'm older and they're teaching my future children to be how they are. We went and saw a show the other week, there were obviously children of all different races in the performance. All the children were performing the same, but my sister (who is 21, so hardly old) will pick out the child who isn't white and say they're annoying with a racial remark after it and my mum will laugh. It disgusts me. They will say to me that different races aren't as important as them. They'll also assume black = not British, etc. and so they're not as entitled to medical care, etc. I remember being young (primary school) and being extremely racist. I'm ashamed now, but I was a child and my parents never corrected me. My mum says she'll "happily tell any child of mine that they're better than any other race out there when they're in England" and if I ever try and correct her on a thing, I'm told that "well your sister shares my view and X, Y and C does" (racist family on Facebook)

I don't know how I'll feel when I'm older and they're teaching my future children to be how they are...My mum says she'll "happily tell any child of mine that they're better than any other race out there when they're in England"

On second thoughts, I'm not sure i could maintain contact with family like this. Racist views is one thing (unacceptable but not disown-able). Trying to teach my children those views...i think maybe you would be right to disown if they don't listen to your objections. That's beyond despicable.