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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

'Random' Facebook defriendings/blockings

29 replies

MissKrampus · 05/02/2018 21:23

Just an observation (and I wasn't even sure where to put this topic, but figured 'relationships' was close enough).

Over the years, I've been defriended on the rare occasion for unknown reasons. Some really leave me scratching my head and wondering what I did wrong!

Number one - a girl who I was pretty good friends with at one point. We met at work and hung out occasionally in our spare time. Got drunk together, I stayed at her place, she stayed at mine. We are similar personalities, introverted but with a keen sense of humour. Lost touch but then reconnected via Facebook. She was working at the same place we first met, but had gone to India for work (training people up over there). I left a few comments on her pics of India, all seemed well. Then she came home, left her job and updated about that on FB. I left a (what I thought was innocuous) comment on that post, saying something like, "Welcome home, glad you enjoyed India, what plans have you got now?" Then a few days later I noticed it said "Add friend" on her page!! I don't have a clue what I did wrong but we haven't spoken since. Maybe I was too nosy?!

Person B - a guy I met on a tour I went on in Africa. When I met him he was on his honeymoon, and as there were only 4 of us who were under the age of 50 on this tour, we all kind of hung out together in the evenings. Nothing wild, just chatting about our lives over a glass of wine. The other single lady there (my Scandinavian roommate) told me that the guy's wife had made a funny comment one night, insinuating her new husband would try to cheat with her. Bizarre. Anyway, we all came home and added each other on FB. A few months down the line and the wife had defriended me. No idea why but there you go. She also broke up with her husband very quickly and found a new man. I would occasionally comment on the (now ex) husband's FB page and he on mine, as you do. Was still friends with the Scandi roommate. Then one day the guy left a photo of his new kitten on his page and I left a comment saying how cute it was. Next day I noticed he'd defriended me! Just seems quite random to me.

No 3 - another guy, this time someone I have never met. I met his sister while travelling in their country years ago and houseshared with her for a few months. Came home, added her on FB. Several years later while I was bemoaning the lack of nice, available men in this country she joked that I should date her brother, because he's single, and nice. Of course being so far away that was next to impossible (although my now fiance lives in the same country, ha) but we added each other on FB anyway, because she said we should. I didn't actually chat to him much, just left the occasional comment about his dogs etc. Just the odd, chatty comment. Sometime later he started dating someone, good for him I thought. A little later I realised he'd not posted or commented for a while, so thought he must have deleted his profile, fair enough. I even wondered if he'd fallen out with his sister, as she once spoke about how her family had abandoned her. I never said anything to his sister about it, it just made me think 'hmmm'.

But here's the weird thing. The sister posted on FB tonight and tagged her brother in the post. Except there was no hyperlink. Someone else commented and mentioned her brother's name and someone liked the post. But, I can't see who liked the post. So it seems like he's blocked me! Either that or I thought he was somehow able to have a hidden profile. But when I log out I can actually see his profile so it seems like I was blocked!! lol No idea why because I barely spoke to the guy! Confused I could see defriending for whatever reason I guess but blocking me seems a bit extreme. The only person I've come close to blocking was an alcoholic former colleague who would get drunk and leave suggestive comments on my page. I was embarrassed at what people would think but in the end I just defriended him, and told him I wished him well but couldn't watch him destroy his life anymore, also the comments were inappropriate. He said he understood. So I've no idea why that other guy has blocked me! Maybe his girlfriend made him do it (although I have no idea if they're even still together).

Maybe some people are just weird. It makes me a little paranoid though, because I'm nice! Maybe I'm too sensitive, I want people to like me. I'm not hugely upset about this I'm just a little surprised and wondering what the reason was. I don't think I put anything offensive on FB, holiday photos, the odd jokey post etc.

Anyone else have this happen to them?

OP posts:
Chamomiletea8 · 05/02/2018 21:29

Don't over think it op, yes it's happened to me. Don't try and work out what's going on in someone's head and the reasons for their actions.They could have a million and one reasons. The way I see it is (when it happens to me) it's actually non of my business. Your not actually effected by it (surface level maybe) so don't waste precious energy. Let go, shrug a shoulder and move on.

category12 · 05/02/2018 21:32

Well none of them sound like actual friends, they were acquaintances really or connections, whose lives moved on and they decided they didn't have much in common with you or something. Maybe your innocuous comments were annoying in some way. I wouldn't worry, can't get on with everybody.

rebelrosie12 · 05/02/2018 21:32

I've just deleted most of my fb friends because it was taking over my life. I have a couple of friends who aren't on Facebook and their quality of life is noticeably better. I want to contact my friends because i want to see them or spend time with them, and vice versa, but not have the constant barrage of 'news'. But I'm now walking around thinking everyone hates me because I unfriended them. It could be totally innocent, nothing you've done.

FuckItPassMeTheWine · 05/02/2018 21:33

I wouldn't take it personal , when people get into relationships they do sometimes remove people that from their friends list that may invite issues with their current partner.
I've removed one male friend/acquaintance before as he was frequently commenting on pics / statuses , nothing pervy but the frequency was noticable . Any who my boyf noticed the constant comments / likes and got irritated by it. I had no issue in removing the acquaintance as it had been several years since we had properly spoken and weren't friends in the true scence of the word so no biggy.

The girl you mention at the beginning , have no clue as to what that's about but again I wouldn't worry . Sod em! Wink

Lucymek · 05/02/2018 21:35

That's weird. You don't sell stuff on fb do you ?

Like nu skin or anything.

MarthaArthur · 05/02/2018 21:37

Happens to me loads op! HmmGrin i guess people dont like my opinions differing from their own. One of my faves though was an old school friend. He kept putting statuses asking for advise. I would offer genuine advise for his situations and every single time he ignored me but commented on others suggestions. He deleted me recently.

FuckItPassMeTheWine · 05/02/2018 21:37

Good point @lucymek
Op if you sell forever living , you may as well write off your friends list now 😂

treedragon · 05/02/2018 21:41

A good friend of mine broke up with his partner and she defriended me despite us being friendly. She now hates her ex and I guess his friends by default.

But I am not really into the whole Facebook thing and don't even use my real name on it. Have it mainly for pages and groups I am interested in.

esk1mo · 05/02/2018 21:41

are other people leaving comments too? did they like/comment on your page? you might just come across a little strong

thepatchworkcat · 05/02/2018 21:42

I think you’re overthinking. I decided last summer to cut my friends list right down to family and people that I actually spend time with or speak to in real life. So I deleted a lot of old work colleagues, friends of friends etc. None of them had done anything wrong, I just decided not to share as much with the whole world. In that scenario I absolutely would delete someone I’d only met once or not at all! Doesn’t mean you’ve offended them.

MarthaArthur · 05/02/2018 21:48

My fave blocking i got was a former very close friend. I used to work with people with serious mental health issues. One day i was badly assaulted and suffered temporary nerve damage and soft tissue injury. I put a photo on fb saying "another day in the office". Que said friend telling me i was a nasty cunt and she would report me for sharing private patient info and mocking them.Confused then she blocked me. Was really bizarre.

treedragon · 05/02/2018 21:48

A lot of Facebook is just a grandstand platform for people to post up only the best bits of their lives. People then feel dissillusioned and start making comparisons to their own lives.

IronNeonClasp · 05/02/2018 21:49

I don't even notice defriending anymore. Perhaps I should Hmm

Used to get me down quite a few years ago.
I've met people who have 1000+, 400 (norm IMHO) and the most 'sensible' people I know have about 75 'friends'.

Although I get this is an analysis from a couple/few months - right? Too much SM can be a bad thing.

Personally, I would have a few days, months off and read a few books. Cleanses the soul Wink

MissKrampus · 05/02/2018 22:00

Haha no I don't sell anything! Or post constant memes or quizzes! Grin I don't think I'm annoying and people say I'm nice but who knows eh. Maybe that woman was offended that I asked about her future plans.

Yes people like and comment on my page. The other guy's sister comments often and I just commented on a pic of her DD. That's when I noticed that funny post with his name and wondered what had happened.

My best friend had issues with her man being 'flirty' so got him to defriend a lot of women he had on FB Hmm but it's not as if I ever flirted with the second guy, or even spoke to him that much! Haha. And my fiance thought it was weird that I messaged often with a male friend, who droned on about boring stuff tbh but didn't seem to take the hint, until I told him my DP thought it was weird and said we needed to stop the messaging. All good so far and we're still friends on FB, just not messaging. FB can be trouble though and people can get paranoid. So maybe it's that kind of scenario.

Just seems a bit weird eh. Glad it's not just me it's happened to. Oh well, c'est la vie!

OP posts:
Thinkingofausername1 · 06/02/2018 01:41

I've blocked people because, I felt they weren't interested in my real life but were happy, to be friends on Facebook. Some people on the school run, for example would add me, and ignore me in the playground!! I thought fuck that and blocked them. Other times, it can just be perhaps people have moved on or only want family etc on there.

Cavender · 06/02/2018 01:51

Given how much information about your own and other people’s lives on just this thread OP perhaps you overshare?

Or perhaps none of this is anything to do with you at all. People regularly clean out their friends lists for one reason or other that have nothing to do with the person they drop.

Historicallyinaccurate · 06/02/2018 02:30

You're over thinking way too much. Why anyone would want to keep a huge number of old friends and acquaintances updated on their every move is beyond me. Maybe your innocuous comment reminded them you were still privy to what's going on in their lives, and they were no longer comfortable with this as you're not actually good friends in RL?

WS12 · 06/02/2018 02:34

This has happened to me too and it can be upsetting. I am still baffled as to why an ex colleague unfriended me. We had our babies on the NNU together too which was such a surprise, I'd see her boy growing and share pictures of mine and it was lovely to see their progress. Then one day there was an "add friend", but I thought we were?

Makes no sense.

gamerchick · 06/02/2018 03:21

I’m more impressed that you noticed and remembered fine detail about your last communication. Grin

It takes me a while usually to figure out who’s defriended me and then it’s a meh moment. Stop overthinking it.

BitOfFun · 06/02/2018 03:28

I've no idea about your particular examples, but I occasionally go through my list and unfriend people with whom I've had no meaningful interaction in a long time. It's not at all personal- I would never have been friends with them in the first place unless I thought they were nice people, but I don't see the point in having them on my list if we don't use the medium to communicate.

mumgointhroughtorture · 06/02/2018 03:45

This happens to me too and I feel the same. Sometimes I will think " ohhh I haven't seen so and so update for a while " so I go to find them and I've been unfriended . It does make me wonder what I've done especially if they are still friends with other people within the same circle .

I take it quite personally and I know I shouldn't ! It's only Facebook haha !

OldBrook · 06/02/2018 05:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ivykaty44 · 06/02/2018 05:26

I defriended one person as there profile left so many crap share thing on mine that every other thing was there’s - I did tell them and he didn’t like it, but at least he had the option then with others to stop being so annoying

Others I have defriended as I just don’t want loads and loads of people on Facebook, so defriend people that never interacted

JeNeSuisPasVotreMiel · 06/02/2018 06:27

One thing that stands out is that you are making personal comments on their pages - for example asking the introverted friend what her plans are. I would be really embarrassed by a question like that on my public page, it's only suitable for a private message - you are asking her to share private information with every one of her FB friends.

Angelf1sh · 06/02/2018 06:29

I think you’re massively overthinking this and being too sensitive. People do things for their own reasons and it doesn’t have to be about you. That being said, I suspect you are more full on than you realise on Facebook. You’d only notice that the “add friend” button had appeared if you were on their page. There’s really no reason to be on other people’s pages unless you’re looking through their photos/posts etc. Most people manage with just their own newsfeed which naturally limits the amount of posts etc belonging to a single person that you can comment on. If you’re on their page then perhaps you’re commenting on far more than you realise and maybe it feels too much for them? My dad comments on practically everything I post and it annoys me so much! I kind of want to block him but I can’t!