Partners ex things still all in his house ....AIBU to be a little perturbed ?

[Tinkerbellx]

DP and I have been together 1 year .
All seems really good so far .
I'd been single a while ( couple of years ) after a very ltr and dp has only been single a few months after a 4 yr relationship . He was engaged to her though .
From what I'm getting it was all bliss for first 2 years and they very quickly bought house together and got engaged .
She then had an affair , started to drink a lot and took a lot of recreational drugs .
When I met dp I was very aware that he had only been out of the relationship 6 months and was vulnerable . It's becoming apparent that she wasn't very nice to him . ( locked him out of the house sometimes and he slept in the car , called him was she's couldn't walk home and generally disrespected him ) . Anyway the house has 3 floors .... she moved onto the top floor as shed found someone else .
Then she said she didn't want to move out or totally end the relationship incase they got back together .... sounds to me like she used him as a back up plan . Poor guy is such a kind gent I think he just took it as long as he could until she moved out anyway.
So his self esteem is a lot better than when I first met him and he checks in with me every so often re the resulting depression . I'm trying to be there for him as a listening ear without pressuring him to talk .
He does talk to me though which is good .
I'm fairly certain we're in this for the long haul now and I couldn't wish to meet a better partner in many ways .
It's never bothered me before but his ex's things are still all over the house .
She jointly owns it but has moved into what I can only describe as a mansion ... no shortage of room !
The third floor of his house is padlocked ( she's locked all her things up there ) so he has a spare room on the second floor . He bought a new bed and a small wardrobe .... the room has a bloody walk in wardrobe tho which is full of her clothes again and padlocked .
The dressing table is full of her stuff still and his things are piled on top .
Her mail still comes to the house and she won't discuss buying / selling . Its frustrating me for the first time because she hasn't paid the mortgage for a year anyway and he wants to rent near to me now before we take the plunge and commit to buying a home together .
It's the first time I've mentioned anything negative as we really are happy ... I just kind I said that really after a year / no dc together she should come and take her things regardless of joint ownership of the house . She's living within her now fiancé who apparently is particularly fussy about what comes into his posh house .... not his problem imo .
Now I've mentioned it it will possible encourage him to pursue the matter as I'm not one to interfere ....
Am I being u reasonable honestly ? X

X

You're not being unreasonable at all!
I think a year is long enough to have to put up with her stuff being everywhere.

When my
DH and I had been together for a few months, I commented on how I didn't like his ex's belongings still being there so he boxed them up and told her to either pick them up or he'd leave them on her doorstep. She had a bitch fit but she knew she wouldn't get her way.

I really hope your dp listens to you and gets rid of it.

He needs to see a solicitor about this Asap. He is currently paying everything towards building up a asset that she has a 50% share in!

He definitely needs to seek legal advice regarding selling the house.

If she doesn't want to sell she can buy him out....but he needs to be free of that mortgage and be able to move on.

Well you only have his "poor me I did nothing at all wrong it was all her fault" word for it don't you? How do these men manage to live with and love AND either marry or plan to marry such 'unsuitable' women?

You sound naive, one of those women who always believe the "my ex was crazy" stories but never consider if that's true then it doesn't say much for your man and who he chooses to be with. He's likely done the you're sooooo much better than her ego stroke with you, and it's worked

A mere 6 months out of relationship he got with you, hadn't even sorted himself emotionally and financially and still hasn't - yet you're already mentioning buying a house with him?!

He can start the ball rolling re house etc - he would have if he'd wanted to anyway, he's an adult not a child you need to sort stuff out for. Let the 2 of them deal with the house etc. It's their property. Once that's done or at least well on the way you can see what happens then.

Including if he really pursues breaking ties completely by getting her stuff out and house sold. You have to be sure he wants what you want - and that means action, not words.

I am not entirely naive that's a little harsh .
I'm incredibly aware that he was only 6 months out of his relationship when we met which is why we've taken things very slowly and communicated about it as and when ( as per my post )

It's been a year and he is slowly getting to know my children now but we wanted to get to know each other really well first .... and the next step is to rent a house near me as we're about 45 mins drive away from each other . Yes we'd love to buy a house together of course .....It's going really well but it's not happening tomorrow ! That's not rushing anything is it ? To talk about what we both actually want ?
We were both very happy that the other saw that as a future goal .
He isn't playing the victim either .... he's a genuinely kind man who is giving his ex time to see if she can raise the money to buy the house herself .
Hes never played games with me telling me anything like how much better I am than her etc. to boost my ego either .... we're in our 40s not children and I don't need my ego boosting to enjoy a healthy relationship . I am good enough as I am I hope warts an all !

I just didn't want to think maybe I'd over stepped the mark because your absolutely right it's between them not me .... he tells me to be open with him so I was .
.... now I've said something I'm sure he'll jolly things along . I wasn't sure if it was right to say anything but reading these posts I think it was .
He's is a man of action not words .
There are some genuinely nice men out there you know who actually aren't playing the poor me victim card . I only know what I know because he said a couple of things when we got tipsy at Christmas ... we don't tend to talk about exes otherwise . Too busy getting to know each other .
Maybe he's locked her up on the top floor