I need some advice. A year ago I found pornographic images on my husbands phone - he's been using them for masturbation. Originally I wasn't bothered, he told me it was nothing to do with me or our relationship and all guys did it. I believed him.
However, in amongst these images were photos of a girl that he worked with. She was 21, very attractive and saw him as a 'big brother', she asked him relationship advice etc. My husband is 36. She puts very suggestive images on Facebook which he had saved. He told me this was a coincidence and someone sent him the images which had automatically saved.
A few months later I find more images. Hundreds in fact, all of women from online sites. What hurt me was that there were also images of people we knew. My neighbour, my friends, and again the young girl he worked with, all saved from Facebook. When I confronted him he told me that he was addicted to pornography and masturbation. It was so bad that he was doing it in work, and it was interfering with his life in a huge way.
Because these had now crossed the line, in
my opinion, from fantasy to reality, using people that I know and speak to, I felt humiliated and cheated. At this time, we also have a seven week old baby. Thinking of my daughter and wanting her to be brought up in a happy home, I support him on the condition that he gets help. He goes to see a therapist who tells him that he has a high sex drive, that he needs to talk to me more about his needs and gives him some exercises to regain control. This was one session, he was informed that he didn't need any more sessions.
I ask for marriage sessions because I'm struggling to trust me, he tells me he will book them but it never happens.
Over the next few months things seem to be ok. But I check his phone and find that his history is always cleared. One day I'm sure he is looking at porn on his phone while my five month old baby is asleep next to him. But without proof I don't want to cause arguments.
And then we arrive at Saturday. I check his phone and find that he's been looking at images of the young girl he worked with again via Facebook. There are 52 images all of her, combined with his ex girlfriend, my friends and my sister. I feel physically sick and so stupid. I'm drained.
Although he hasn't actually cheated on me, I really feel he has. I don't trust him and being around him makes me feel sick. He admitted that he was looking at porn around our daughter too - so this is a serious problem. He is too ashamed to talk to anyone about it.
I really love him, he is a wonderful man, hard working and so kind. This is just so out of character and out of control. He's like a stranger to me. But after a year of checking phones and wondering what he's doing, I'm drained and I'm tired. I just want to be happy, raise my daughter and I think I would now be better alone. It breaks my heart that my daughter, who we were told we would never have, may have to grow up in a broken home. But I really don't think I can ever trust him again. I feel this is the last step before he has a full on affair.
Do you think I'm being overly sensitive? Thanks for your views.