How old were you when you settled down?

[Lollypop79]

I’m new here (please be kind). How old were you when you got married/had kids. I’m 28 and was with my ex from 20 -27 I thought he was the one I was going to spend my whole life with, we lived together, talked about getting married and having children. One day when I came home from work he was gone leaving me a note saying he had gone travelling I think it was true he is now with his sister who’s travelling Australia. Before he went he took all the money from our joint account which we used to pay the rent and bills so I had to move back in with my parents as my job doesn’t pay a lot so I couldn’t manage on my own. My mum and dad said I could stay as long as I want they like having the company but my mum also says I should get back out there and find someone else as she doesn’t want me to leave it late like she did having my brother and me at 40/42. The thing is as much as I want children I am having a hard time thinking about being with another man again I mean I’m totally over my ex it’s just I don’t think I’ll ever trust anyone again. I don’t have any friends and work in a small office with 2 other people who are both a lot older than me. I used to go out a lot when I was 18/19 but I can’t even imagine going out clubbing now 🙄 what should I do?

You still have plenty of time. I probably doesn’t feel like it. It didn’t to me either. But you really do. Like you I had several long term serious relationships in my 20s. Turned out they were massive cheating assholes. I pretty much gave up on meeting anyone. I gave up my flat and my job and took a job abroad just to escape because I was so over it at 28. 2 months after I moved overseas, swearing off men, I met my now dh. He was lovely and genuine and completely unlike the wankers I had been dating. We got married 3 years after that when I was turning 31. I got pregnant soon after and we had our dd when I was 32. I’m now due with our 2nd any day at 37. We’ve had nearly 10 great years together so far. So there is totally time. Very cliche but I had to stop looking and give up before I think I was in the right place to meet a good person for me.

18. I met my DH in a coffee shop. Married less than a year later. You definitely don't have to be in a club to meet someone (from my limited experience that's the last place you would meet someone). Are you in London? That whole city is like a giant speed dating event. I suggest moving if you can.

Bit older than you are.
Of course you don't need to go clubbing.
I'm sure it happens, but I can't think of anyone I know who met their husband / long term partner in a club.
Just go out - try new things. Take up a hobby. Join things. I reckon most people meet their true love through other people they know. The more friends you have, the more friends they have, the more things you go to, the more people you meet, so the chances of meeting 'the one' increase. In the meantime, you are having fun and getting new experiences and making memories.

Started being in a relationship with my now DH when I was 18 and moved town to go to University Bought a house with him when I was 21 (they gave out mortgages like sweets back then) first child born when I was 23, married at 24, second child born at 26. Our 10 yr wedding anniversary at the end of the month. But on the other hand most of my same age friends are not married and have no kids so different strokes for different folks.

Met my now dh at 20 online. Bought a house at 23, married at 28, pregnant with first baby (now) at 30.
You’ve plenty of time to meet someone.
My friend was in a 16 year relationship which broke down after he cheated.
She thought she’d never settle down. Now happily married with 2 young children in her mid 40s.

I was 37 when I settled down, had my kids at 38 and 40. It felt like perfect timing to me, and I've no regrets.

Are you able to join a couple of clubs? Maybe go to a meet up if you download the app? Focus on meeting people in general and building new friendships perhaps before looking for the one just yet. You’ve got plenty of time x

What he did was pretty horrific so no wonder you need some time.

I think given your situation re: work and friends I would suggest online dating. It is fairly light and while it can be a bit brutal it also helped me move forward.
I had great sucess on tinder (don’t bother with match)

You do have time but (and I hate to say this) you don’t have that much time.
it took me three years of online dating but he is incredible!!!! literally the most fantastic/ wonderful/compatible boyfriend I had ever had)

Good luck!

24 when I got married, two kids by the time I was 27. Far too young I realise now-for me anyway. (Not that I regret my lovely girls-they are my absolute world)

Started dating at 23, cohabited 24, married at 28. I can't believe I was so young, looking back (guess that's how you know you're getting old).

1. don't have children early because your mum had them late. It isn't your job to rectify whatever mistakes your mum thinks she might have made.

2. if you can't imagine trusting anyone ever again, then you aren't over it. That's fine. Your ex betrayed you on a huge scale. It will take time - possibly a lot of it - before you feel ready for another relationship.

3. what should you do? Two things: firstly, plan for your job/financial future as though you will be single for the rest of your life. Start saving, start looking at what you would need to do to get your own home, even if it's a bedsit. Secondly, fucking enjoy yourself. You will never again have this much freedom. Do you like your job? Would you like to do something different? Apply. Would you like to go traveling? Ignore what I just said about finances; start planning and saving and booking things. Join local Facebook groups, find out when interesting (and hopefully free) events are on. Attend them all. Your local uni probably runs free public lectures and concerts. Go to them. Wear the clothes you would like to wear, but feel a bit nervous about. Take up a new sport! A team sport - you'll meet lots of people and travel to away fixtures and have nights out together. Join the YHA and have a weekend away somewhere beautiful.

You're more likely to meet someone worthwhile when you yourself are happy and busy and interesting and interested. Have fun.

I was 26. But it didn't work out.

So now I'm a 37 year old single parent and while I provide my son with a very settled home environment, my own personal/love-life is as unsettled as it was when I was 21. And you know what? I couldn't be happier.

I should probably finish my post by adding that don't feel pressured by your family to follow a set timeline for getting married and having children. Do what makes you happy and what you are comfortable with.
But equally, don't let a previous bad experience with a man put you off all men. There are actually plenty of nice ones out there.