Is he manipulative and why?

[Whoknowswhoandwhy]

My manager is a great guy, kind, thoughtful, clever, funny and is very supportive! I actually felt that we were becoming close friends - or so I thought.

I went out with work friends last night and I’ve been left wondering if he’s manipulating me and why he’d even bother. I’m in a relationship so there’s no sexual motive either!

These are the ways that colleagues feel he’s not genuine and manipulative.

He compliments my work - he also does this with colleagues.

He compliments my appearance and personality- nothing big, things like you look nice, you’re a great person etc- he also does this with colleagues they’ve shared that they believe that this is a form of manipulation and it makes them feel uncomfortable

He makes me feel important and special - colleagues state he does the same to them! One told me last night that she’s fallen for him and it’s all in his grand plan for team dominance?

He texts me out of work hours and talks to me about his personal experiences, he doesn’t do this to colleagues.

I’m a hard worker and good at my job, he doesn’t need to manipulate me to get me to work harder - so why bother. And more to the point, would he be manipulating an entire team?

Well...you are getting sucked in

It's not compulsory

Is he manipulating the team or does he just want to be liked by the team? He seems to want to manage by being everyone's friend - sounds like he's doing it fairly awkwardly, and to the extent that it's backfiring and making people feel uneasy, but I'm not seeing anything sinister here.

I honestly don’t think I am, I view our relationship as a purely platonic mutually beneficial professional
Relationship, or I did until last night. Their view has shocked and confused me. I can’t see what the reasoning could be, why risk sabotaging an already positive work relationship?

Hassle, my team mates dislike him, he’s very firm which I think is why it came up last night. They essentially spent the evening telling me I’m completely blind to the manipulative behaviour?

Um why must you think a manager is being manipulative just because he shows interest in his team? Chill out. So long as it’s nothing inappropriate it’s nice he thinks of his underlings as human too

Kari, I’m inclined to agree with you.

Listen to what they're saying. Please don't text him at night - you're getting yourself into a difficult situation.

To me he just sounds like a good boss? If it were a woman I doubt anyone would say there's anything wrong with it but because he's a man he must only be being nice to you because he fancies you 🙄
A good boss is complimentary and makes his team members feel valued and therefore happy at work. Unless YOU feel uncomfortable don't worry !

Don't think it is necessarily manipulative, more blurred boundaries. Just only engage in the workplace. You don't need to hear about his personal life or be contacted outside the office.

I don’t feel uncomfortable at all, I was genuinely oblivious to their view until last night and it left me a bit cold. I really wasn’t sure what to think.

Yes, the texting needs to stop but it’s never ever inappropriate. Ever.

To clarify, the content isn’t inappropriate.

Why do you think he’s not being genuine?
I’m one of a team of managers at work and we compliment people for their hard work although we wouldn’t think if it as complimenting- more like thanking them for their hard work. Why wouldn’t you expect a manager to do this?

Might also compliment people on eg new hair cut, new dress, etc
Again, why wouldn’t you if you notice?

Sounds like you were actual friends with the manager rather than just a member of the team, do you want him to stop contacting you outside of work?

Or maybe he read a book about being a good manager and caring about the team?! What would you prefer? He says you’re all crap at your jobs and he’s giving you a pay cut?

Altiara, I don’t want anything about my manager to change, I massively rate him professionally and like him very much on a personal level. Last night has left me confused (and a bit sad), I’m wondering if I’m reading the situation incorrectly or whether, in fact, the rest of the team are.

He's not behaving in an exemplary fashion texting out of hours, but I detect a hidden sense of wanting more from him, then simultaneously feeling affronted when he does give more, and offended that it isn't enough.

Maybe it's time to be honest with yourself?

Afist, I had absolutely no issues with our professional/personal relationship exactly as it was. It feels unsettling that my teammates pretty much unanimously believe that he’s not genuine/ manipulative. I really don’t think that he is, but they’ve made me question it all. I want him to be the wonderful person I always thought he was, I’m just trying to process the situation.

You think he's an excellent manager and he compliments the people he manages. I genuinely don't see the problem? He sounds like a nice guy who appreciates what people do and therefore probably gets people working harder.

Has it occured to you that the rest of the team are just being dicks. They see you getting on with their boss and him being complimentary and are a bit envious?

One of them has fallen for him and yet they all dislike him?

I cant see what he is doing wrong to anyone else. The out of work texting to you, if you dont like, needs to stop. But i cant see what he is doing wrong to everyone else.

Like pp, it feels like you are overthinking his behaviour. Reading your posts there is a sense of wanting more coming from them.