Ex has been described by many as a sociopath, deep down I think I knew he was but I continuously made excuses for his behaviour, rationalising that it wasn’t him, it was his poisonous ex gf that kept driving us apart.
Ex and I split for 10 days over Xmas, in that time he slept with the aforementioned ex gf and started dating another woman. I know this because when we got back together I picked up his phone and there were various messages from said women. When I confronted him he lied, I reached out to one of the women and asked her outright whether he was still in touch with her and whether he had been lying to me. Of course he had been. She described how he was stifling and very full on and that even though they had only had two dates he thought he might be falling for her. Pathetic I thought. The guy is in his fifties so hardly a boy. I asked about the ex gf and again he lied. I found her sock and a used condom under our bed. I foolishly took him back and he made a million promises to me. Up until that point we had been trying for a baby and given the circumstances I suggested I go back on the pill for a while to give our relationship time to stabilise. He was vehemently against this, both in person and via various written communications. He convinced me that happiness was with him and a baby. I didn’t go back on the pill. I own that.
I was around 5 days late for my period and he excitedly suggested we get a pregnancy test, I brushed it off and said I’d wait a few more days and then we could get one as I didn’t really think I was pregnant.
2 weeks ago the poisonous one wrote a letter to him, with the intention of me seeing it. It confirmed all of his lies and still he lied to my face. I was incredibly upset and told him he needed to finally go to the police because we could not get rid of her (despite her having a bloody boyfriend). The next day I called him after work and asked him what his schedule was for the week and he blew up at me, accusing me of spying on him and trying to catch him out. He subsequently broke up with me.
At this I was then 7 days late for my period and decided to take a test; positive. And another test; positive. I tried to call him but he dodged my calls so I emailed him the news. He was vile to me. He told me he wanted nothing to do with the baby or me. That I was a selfish and cruel bitch for bringing a baby into a world where it’s father despises it’s very presence.
I spent a week sobbing as I wasn’t sure what to do. This was a planned pregnancy and as such, I made the decision I wanted to keep the baby. I asked if we could meet up to discuss next steps. He has been abusive and threatening to me and has said that if I continue to make attempts to contact him he will involve the police.
Am I crazy for expecting him to step up to the plate here? I don’t for one second expect him to come back to me but at the very least I expect him to own half of the responsibility and at least speak to me.
We spoke also about telling his family and his kids from a previous marriage. He said that he doesn’t intend on telling anyone in his life and as far as he is concerned the baby doesn’t exist. Am I wrong for having suggested that at some point my expectation is that he will at least tell his kids, all of which are of adult age? I’m not suggested it to cause anyone hurt or pain but surely they deserve to know they are going to have a sibling?
Any advice appreciated as he’s making me feel like am an irrational and vindictive fool.