Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

Original poster

really not sure this is the right topic, but TROUBLE with neighbour

25 replies

user1483875094 · 04/02/2018 12:22

Please could all you lovely helpful mums give me some advice? Will try to make this short. Have made some HUGE life changes over the last 6 months, having brought up my daughters alone, and managed by hook, or by crook to hang on to large family home. Finally made the decision to down size hugely, and gave the funds to my two grown up daughters so that they could buy a house each, one has, one is in the process. Wanted to "simplify" my life hugely, and enjoy more time for my own real friends and family, so rented a darling little one bed new build. I LOVE it, I WAS so happy, was enthralled at being able to enjoy seeing my daughters buy a house, rather than wait until I die! For the first few months it was heaven! SO much more time for my girls, and my friends, instead of having to worry about maintaining the big old family home, which my daughters had left anyway. However. A neighbour in our little close "endlessly" knocks on the door and asks me over for a cup of coffee. I don't want to go for a coffee, and I don't want to spend my time doing so. I don't want to have this stress every weekend. I work many hours a week and treasure my time off. He will not give up, and has already, today, knocked three times... and it is stressing me out and kind of spoiling my plans. He is a sweet person, please don't get me wrong, - I think he has some kind of learning difficulties (adult) and I HATE to be a misery. I began by just saying that I was very busy with sorting out my new home, and then later by saying I was very busy with having family visiting, trying to find excuses. Today, on his third knock at the door, (whilst I was vaccuuming) he looked so sad, when I said I simply did not have time, and I sort of hate myself, but I TREASURE my new found time to myself, and my own friends and family. Does anyone have any good advice about how to deal with this, as I just DREAD the knock on the door, every weekend?? and I feel bad, but I sort of don't think I should feel bad... I have been through a great deal to sort this life-change out. Am I horrible? I feel so selfish, but simply can't stop thinking that I am actually entitled to have my weekends to myself? I am a big softie, and have never been able to fight my own corner. I am trying to enjoy sorting out my fabulous little place, but am stressed, just DREADING the next knock on the door! Please advise, if you can?? bearing in mind I am a softie, and hate to hurt people??? Thank you xxx

OP posts:

Gide · 04/02/2018 12:31

I think you need to be brave and actually telll the guy to stop knocking. You risk him getting hurt, but tbh, that’s not your problem. It sounds like you feel harassed and that’s not fair. You need to put a definitive stop to this, so be really clear and tell him to stop knocking, you want to be left alone. If he persists, don’t answer the door.

TitsNnails · 04/02/2018 12:31

Have you tried putting a do not disturb sign on the door?

FluffyWhiteTowels · 04/02/2018 12:32

I think you're going to have to continue with the sorry I have lots of jobs to do/am going out in a while/ have people visiting etc excuses.

I think it's really lovely you have gifted your children early in their lives and hope you are able to enjoy your fabulous new home in peace soon

MyBrilliantDisguise · 04/02/2018 12:36

Off topic, but have you enough money to buy yourself a house, too?

blueskyinmarch · 04/02/2018 12:44

You either need to be blunt with him
Or just stop answering your door. Can you tell it is him at the door without answering it?

Original poster

user1483875094 · 04/02/2018 13:05

FLUFFY, thank you so much... do you think that, eventually, he will get the message after so many excuses?? Thank you all for your advice so far.. xxxxxxxxx

OP posts:

Original poster

user1483875094 · 04/02/2018 13:07

Bluesky, no, I can't see my front door at all, from any of my windows, so never know who is there.

OP posts:

rwalker · 04/02/2018 13:10

i think you need to be honest and just tell him to stop knocking .You say he has some difficulties ,he might not be able to read the social situation and will not get the hint .Don't stress enjoy your home

Original poster

user1483875094 · 04/02/2018 13:12

My Brilliant.... thanks - no - I gifted it all to my daughters, so that I could enjoy seeing them enjoy managing to buy their own homes rather than wait until I die. ALTHOUGH, I did put some funds aside for me... do you think |IO should try to buy again?? Do you have any good ideas ?

OP posts:

FlibFlabFlob · 04/02/2018 13:13

I think you need to put it in writing and keep a copy. 3 times in a day is beyond just being a lonely or over friendly neighbour.

If you ask him to stop knocking and he continues to do so then it is harassment. I'd not be surprised if you end up needing to go down some official channels to stop this.

ididyeah · 04/02/2018 13:15

Maybe you could get one of those webcam doorbell things? Then you could tell him you’re going to be much more busy and then just not answer when it is him. You could say you cant hear knocking from some parts of the house (maybe).

However I think you’re also going to have to tell him straight that you need time with the lids and that you don’t want to be disturbed though, or he wont get it

hesterton · 04/02/2018 13:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ididyeah · 04/02/2018 13:16

Kids not lids! The lids are fine!

Bluntness100 · 04/02/2018 13:20

Are you planning to pay rent for the rest of your life? This does not seem a great idea. Itmwould have been better to buy and then what's left give to your kids after you kept a slush fund for yourself,. What happens if your landlord sells? I feel the rent escalates hugely? I'm shocked your kids would let you go into rented accommodation like this.

Anyway, I would tell him if he knocks that you cannot make coffee at all this weekend, if you have time in future you will come to him. And just keep repeating.

Bluntness100 · 04/02/2018 13:23

Sorry also on the rent thing.

If you live to 80. How much rent will you pay? This is the same sum as your kids will not inherit.

When you could have an asset that appreciates in value and your kids do inherit?

HollyBollyBooBoo · 04/02/2018 13:33

Off topic but why are you renting? Have you given all the money to your daughters? I honestly think that's the wrong decision for your long term future, why would you pay rent rather than a mortgage?

Can you just gift all that money to kids without tax implications?

Mummyoflittledragon · 04/02/2018 16:18

HollyBolly
Yes as long as you live for 8 years after giving it away. Iht liability reduces over the 8 years.

I agree, it was lovely to give money to your children. But not at the expense of having no secure roof over your head.

BrendasUmbrella · 04/02/2018 18:01

If you can't see who is at the front door until you open it, it may be worth investing in a video doorbell or a "smart" doorbell? You can see the person on camera from the kitchen or wherever, and with some of them you can communicate through a speaker too. They're not too expensive now. It might be a good idea for general security as well as for nuisance neighbours.

BrendasUmbrella · 04/02/2018 18:02

webcam doorbell things

Webcam doorbell, that's the thing!

OnTheRise · 04/02/2018 20:33

A webcam doorbell thing might help but what you really want is for him to stop this behaviour. So your best bet is to tell him, as kindly as you can, that you want him to stop knocking on your door and inviting you to things. Don't make excuses, don't give him reasons: just tell him to stop it, and do not get drawn into a conversation about it. Then if he knocks again, call the police and tell them he's harassing you, because he is.

MabelFurball · 04/02/2018 20:52

A few other ideas -

Let him in, have coffee - tell him how busy you are going to be and find out what he has been up to - half hour - might put him off until the next week or even 2 weeks.
Speak to other people in the Close. He might be a regular caller / known around the close and you won't feel so bad at avoiding him.

Original poster

user1483875094 · 04/02/2018 21:02

MABEL, thank you, I think that's a really good idea! Wish it wasn't so late, now, as don't want to be a "nuisance knocker" myself, but might try to chat to a couple of other people who live here and see if it is a regular thing, and how they deal with it. Thank you so much! xx

OP posts:

Original poster

user1483875094 · 10/02/2018 17:44

Bit late I know, but when I have been interested in someones problem and given advice, I do always hope to see that it pans out well, and thank you all so much for your advice - you have been hugely helpful, and helped me strengthen my resolve. Well as it happens he knocked again at gone 9 in the evening, by which time I was very fed up, and slightly bolstered by you all. I was firm, but kind, and said that "I am sorry, but you are going to have to stop knocking on my door - it is nothing personal, but I am not interested in visiting neighbours for coffee, and I have very limited free-time, and when I do, I use that time to visit old friends and my family. I even said that it was unacceptable to be knocking on peoples doors at that time of night, - I could have been asleep!" - He did do a rather childish sad look and a bit of a huff, - but thanks to Mabel, I had spoken to a couple of other single (mature) women who live on this close and they had all had the same - and also very strongly advised me to spell it out in black and white - so I didn't feel so bad. So far (touch wood) not a knock since!! Thank you all so much. xxx

OP posts:

Cambionome · 10/02/2018 18:39

Well done op! Glad to hear that it all worked out well.

MabelFurball · 10/02/2018 19:45

So glad to hear it OP. You sound like you were firm but polite with him and he has got the message. He obviously needed to be told as I can't think of many who would think it OK to call that late or keep calling.

Flip

Swipe left for the next trending thread