Hugely worried about my mum

[12345onceicaughtafish]

I didn't know where to post this, it's more of a WWYD.
My mum and my Stepdad have been married for 20 years. Stepdad is ten years younger than mum.
It's been a relationship of ups and downs. He's a big drinker, I wouldn't call him an alcoholic but he definitely drinks too much. As a child I hated being around him. He was very emotionally abusive when drunk and it took myself and my brother years to get over some of the things that were said. He always apologised the next day. I was fortunate because my relationship with my mum has always been one of complete openness and trust. They would have screaming fights and then get over it the next day. My mum worked full
Time in her own business and he worked full time elsewhere.

About 4 years ago my step
Dad was made redundant. Around the same time, his mother died and both of my mothers parents died in an accident. It was an unbelievably difficult time.
My mum was left a significant amount of money which was supposed to pay off the house and let her sell her business so she could stop working. (Sorry, for more context, mum has had several health problems which mean that she really needs to lessen her work load)
What actually happened was the house was paid off, mum continues to work full time and step Dad has never returned to work.
He claims he can't find a job and on the occasion he does, it only lasts a few weeks. To be clear. He has a very skilled profession and could easily find well paid work.

Mum is at her wits end, her business doesn't really make enough money and she is now supporting them both. Her health is struggling. Stepdad definitely has some
Form of depression, he's now not getting up in the morning, staying in dressing gown all day etc. He constantly talks about how much he has to pay for and claims he pays for everything yet it's my mums who's making all the money. I was at home last week and he was so abusive to mum that I lost my temper and basically started packing her stuff. She didn't stop me.
After much conversation this week, she is at the end of her tether and feels that leaving him is her only option but is so terrified of what this means for her at nearly 60.

I don't really know why I'm posting on here. I suppose I'm hoping that someone may have been in a similar situation.

It sounds like she wants your help to get out. And she really does have to leave, but maybe doesn't have the emotional energy to do it on her own, given her current situation.

Your mum could do with a break at the very least to think. But I would have thought a split is on the cards. Has she seen a solicitor?

I'm trying to talk her into a little holiday with me, just a few days away so we can talk.
Historically, anytime she wants to come and spend time with me (I live in a different city) step dad makes her life very difficult.
I'm just trying to be there on the phone ever day. It's just a very difficult situation.
She hasn't seen a solicitor yet.

Your mother may not ever see a Solicitor or even choose to leave him; she did not leave him years ago when you all were on the receiving end of his emotional abuse either.

You can support here but I would not invest any more in your mother emotionally than you can afford to lose. You took it upon yourself to pack her things but she remains with him. She may well agree with you if you get her on this holiday but even then may not ultimately choose to leave him.

She to some extent even now gets what she wants out of this relationship and at nearly 60 may feel she is "too old" (she is certainly not) to start again. Theirs could also be a codependent relationship; codependency and long term alcohol issues go hand in hand.

My guess is that your stepdad's depression is further fuelled by drink in that he is self medicating his myriad of issues. Alcohol as well is a depressant. I would call him an alcoholic actually; he seems physically and psychologically dependent and you state as well he drinks too much. They do not all sit on park benches.

Attila makes sense tbh. You maybe should detatch somewhat if you can.

Does she have anyone else to talk to? Maybe give her women's aid number?