I need some advice on how to deal with issues with my husband. Ok here we go, I am currently 5 months pregnant with my second child. When we had our first 2 years ago we moved 3 months after her birth to a new country where we don’t speak the local language. We moved with my husband’s work and I agreed to move as I felt it was a good move for a family and still do. My issue is I have no friends and no family here. My husband pressured me to return to work when my daughter was 8 months old. I took a job that I am way over qualified to do with very little pay and basically makes me feel like crap. I have stayed in the job for 1.5 years and am now 5 months pregnant with our second child. Since moving here and even before I have been trying really hard to get a job that works for our family (husband travels a lot). Recently I was told about an amazing business opportunity that is right up my street and would give me that balance I have been looking for while also offering job satisfaction. It is a very small business and the owner wants to retire so it is ready to go. It is what I had in my head to set up in a few years myself.
Anyway long story short my husband wants to buy a house and does not want to wait. If I buy the business it will use up a lot of our savings. My issue is that he wants me to work so we can save for a house while minding the children as he travels with work and we have no family support. He wants me to return to the job that I hate and get pretty much no pay after our second baby even though the childcare will be more than my salary. He doesn’t want me to be a stay at home mum (even though his salary can cover our living expenses) but he also doesn’t want me to set up my own business as it will set us back saving wise but in the long run will work out better. He wants me to work full time with all my salary paying for child care so we can save all his salary for a house. He also told me that we can’t have a third child if we want to until we sort out a house.
He doesn’t see how lonely and sad I feel. He has his very successful job where he constantly gets pats on the back telling him what an amazing job he is doing. While I am going to job I hate wishing I could be with my daughter and constantly take days off when she is sick because he can’t. I don’t have any money of my own and anytime I suggest buying something he goes on about how expensive it is and that we don’t need it.
I don’t know how to get through to him. I want a house too but to me having children and being there for them when they are little comes first. I am a teacher and have always made it very clear that I did not want to have children and work full-time. If we need the money to survive that is different but we don’t. From the day we had our daughter he has constantly been on about money and I feel like I can’t do anything even though he spends what he likes when he likes without any guilt. I am very worried about when the second baby comes and how I will cope. He does not want to take any unpaid time off and he only gets 2 days off here. He is going to use his holidays but I think he might need to take more but this is not an option in his mind as it would be unpaid.
Does anyone have some advice on what I should do? Or has had this issue themselves? Please be honest with me and say if I am being unreasonable.
Thanks for the help