Will I always be alone?

[4everalone]

Before I start, I just want to say that i'm not looking for sympathy just want someone to be honest with me.

Right, I am 28 years old with absolutely no friends not one in the whole world.

I got engaged when I was 23 and moved from Essex to Manchester to be with my partner, I had 2 friends that I had made at work who had actually become genuine friends but we drifted apart when I moved. At school, I got on well with everyone in my year and was in the “cool gang” but I never really had a best friend but And felt on the outside of any real friendships. When we left school everyone drifted apart, 3 to 4 of them are still friends and meet up but the rest of us aren’t invited. I did try and stay in touch with Facebook and I would text them all the time but I felt it was always me contacting them so decided to leave it a little while and see what happened - not one of them called or text me so I didn’t bother either.

Things didn't work out with my ex and we decided to call it a day, it was no ones fault he’s a nice guy we just wanted different things. So 5 years later at 28 I decided to move back to Essex and in with my parents for a bit 🙄 it won’t be forever (I’m aiming for 6 months) but I’m quite enjoying it.

I didn’t really meet any friends in Manchester as I worked in an office with only 4 other people who were all men (it payed well) and my partner was one of those who wanted to spend all our time together which was fine as I thought we would be together for the rest of our lives.

So now I’m back in the town where I grew up living with my parents with no job (I do have 2 interviews next week) no friends and no bf. I really struggle to meet new people and have had anxiety all my life I’m ok once I get to know them but struggle at first. I went back into town for the first time yesterday and saw 2 of the girls I was at school with and was friends with them once, they pointed, laughed and shouted stuff at me which kind of upset me because at 28 I thought we would have grown out of that behaviour 15 years ago. It just made me feel totally worthless one of them has 4 kids and the other one has 3 kids and I’m no better off than when I left school. Is there something wrong with me? Am I am I wierd?

I always thought I would be married with children by now, if I ever find another partner I feel like I’m going to be an older mum as most people my age are having or had their babies already. I also worry about how I look and not being good enough sometimes and am too embarrassed to leave the house. At the moment my dogs are all I have in my life and the only things I have to get up for.

I'm not asking for pity just what I might be doing wrong? I'm so so sad about this and feel like an awkward teen wishing I had a best friend. I know I sound pathetic but I'm hoping someone will be able to shed some light on what might be wrong with me. I have never been this sad in my whole life and just randomly start crying all the time!

It’ll get better. Try and join some clubs or groups force yourself to try everything. You’ll like some things others you won’t.

Poor you. From the outside you are young and free with the world at your feet. You have the whole of your thirties to make friends and have a family of your own if that's what you want.

It sounds like you enjoy living with your family for the moment? and when you find a new job you will meet more people that way. The schoolfriends don't sound nice I would ignore them.

As for meeting new people, have you thought about a part time evening or weekend job, maybe in a pub/theater/cinema etc where you might get a bit of social life into the bargain?

Could you get any counselling or CBT to feel a bit better about yourself generally? or self help books?

Dog walking is a possible way you'll meet people. Any other hobbies you would like to try?

Things always do change, so realise this is just how you feel now but another time, later you will feel different

I know you said no pity, so you'll get none from me but.....I'm so sorry that you feel so alone. I think being alone and loneliness breaks even the strongest spirit. You really are very young though at 28. You have the world at your feet! Please don't think it's too late for you, as nothing could be further from the truth. My suggestion would be to get into temping. Sign up with an agency to do office/reception/admin jobs. You'll earn money, meet lots of new people and start building your experience and cv.

I feel the same way as you. Also 28. It’s a shame you’re not still in Manchester (where I live).

Sending hugs, OP. I know exactly how you feel. X

I met my best friend at 28. She's the best person in the world ever. We met through a mutual hobby. Take up something you've always fancied doing and you will meet like-minded people xxx

So sorry you feel this way. I felt similar when I moved away from home to start my career and was struggling with anxiety. Though I had friends from home we all live increasingly far apart. Made friends through work, which took a while to develop into 'proper' friendship but it did, and met my now husband online. Things will improve! Don't listen to those stupid people from school, they are just acting like teenagers, you don't wanna be friends with people like they anyway.

Would going travelling be an option? Save up some money, go away somewhere. With no real ties it is the perfect opportunity to reset, experience the world and grow in confidence. You will meet people who may not become lifelong friends but the experience will make you grow in confidence and you never know where it might take you! I suggest Latin America!

Don't worry that you are now 28 without kids etc. Yes some people are starting to have them but you still have a good few years more before you have to worry about that!!

Join some dog walking Meet Ups as well.
You will meet new people you just have to to join things even if you dont like groups that much.
Also if you can get through this period of being by yourself then you will be able to cope with anything in the future.

I’ve felt like this sometimes but my advice is you just don’t know what is round the corner ! Life can change so quick sometimes ,just have fun for now

Wow thanks for the support I thought no one would understand, I do like living with my parents a lot I just don’t know if it’s socially acceptable these days everyone seems to leave so young, honestly I wasn’t keen on moving to Manchester in the first place even though it’s nice I just missed my family so much. I’m not sure about going travelling my mums 72 now (she had me late at 43) I never noticed when I was younger but now I’ve spent more than a few days with her I’ve noticed she’s aged a lot since I left - she still works full time with no intention to retire so not doing too badly but I think I’d like to stay close to them, it might take me longer than 6 months though Essex is so much more expensive than Manchester think I’ll be here for a year at least, until what age do you think it is acceptable to live with your parents, I don’t want to be accused of being lazy or a freeloader I’ve offered my mum rent but she refuses to take it, I think she’s just glad I’m home so she has someone to talk to my dads more the quiet type unless the conversation involves cars! I do like the idea of meeting people through clubs and hobbies but I never really know exactly what people are talking about when they suggest this, I’m not really the gym going type, where have you all met people and actually made friends?

Nooo enjoy the peace and what u want to do in life today because tomorrow has its own plans 🥂

I understand what your saying but your gonna get loads of advice tonight x

You could try taking up climbing - it's the kind of sport that can be sociable and you can chat to random people at the wall, or just do bouldering on your own. Lots of hot (potentially single) guys climb too! Or yeah apparently Meet Up is quite good. A friend of mine has been trying it lately and I think you can find groups of people who have things in common with you. What are your interests/ what did you like when you were younger?

I don't think living with your parents at 28 is that uncommon, especially in your situation. I've just turned 30 and only in the past couple of years has everyone really moved out who I know - I'm from Herts though so also expensive, I think it's probs different in cheaper areas but for £900 pcm for a studio flat where I'm from I think Home is a good option! You're not being lazy or trying to freeload, you are just rebuilding your life in a new place and aren't in the position to have your own place yet. And I bet your parents are loving having you back! Don't be so hard on yourself!

One good thing about getting older, as you will find out, is that you start to care less about what other people think of you.
Nowadays loads of people live with their parents, even in their 30s and beyond. But you won't need to if you can save up. Have you thought about house sharing (renting) with other young people, once you get a job and can move out? You'll meet people that way.
People meet new friends at all ages.
Clubs and hobbies- depends what interests you - dance class, yoga, am-dram, meetup group (its a website) There's all sorts of ways.

Hello! Sorry you’re feeling this way. I felt like this a lot in my 20s... feeling like everybody else was settling down and doing things and I was being left behind. It’s pegectly fine to live with your parents aged 28. Once you have a job it will improve and you can think about a flatshare.. even moving in with people you don’t know. I did that a few times and it wa great!
I’m just here to offer you hope.. I met my husband aged 33 on an internet date and have had three children since I was 35 (I’m now 42). These things are not over for you.
Could you also try internet dating and joining some clubs or volunteering somewhere?

You are only 28! That’s a good age to get back out there in regards to dating. Definitely plenty of time to settle down and have kids too. I’m the same age as you and in the same friends situation. I don’t have any right now either. You might make some new ones when you get back into work. Just try to remain optimistic. I tend to get on well with people but everyone already has their own little cliques so don’t make actual friends if that makes sense. I wish it was different. Maybe I need to be more confident. It’s actually really hard to make new friends as an adult! Can’t offer much constructive advice as I haven’t figured this stuff out myself yet but keep trying. You aren’t the only one. (And screw those women that made fun of you. How old are they 12?! Seriously. That says more about them than you)

Be kind to yourself! Easy to say and harder to do, I know, but you are not doing anything wrong. Based on things you say like the sadness and sudden tearfulness I wonder if you might also be dealing with a bit of depression. Are you seeing anyone about your anxiety and possible depression, exploring possibilities for treatment?

I think it’s brilliant that you have two interviews next week. Go for it! A job will do loads for your self-esteem. What do you/will you do in your free time, i.e. hobbies? Are there activities that you do just for yourself that bring you pleasure, and is there any way to do those in a social setting? Could you try volunteering? Meetup.com?

I do empathise with a lot of the things you’ve written about, including feeling low. I am 30 and moved back to London to live with my mother last year after living abroad and breaking up with a partner. There are a lot of us in the same position. The way I approach it is to focus on just doing one “big thing” at a time and to try and do something fun and enjoyable each day if I can. Counselling has also been very helpful to me. Big hug to you, OP!

Thanks again everyone you’ve all made me feel so much better especially about being back home it’s not ideal at my age but I’m very lucky that my parents wanted me back, we’ve always been super close and I think they’re just enjoying having someone else to talk to. I feel 25-30 is a strange age if you don’t fit in with what everyone else is doing, I always feel a bit left out like I’m just a bit behind everyone. LEOGRRL - I do feel a little depressed but I hoping it will lift when I have a job, I moved back just before Christmas so have done nothing for over a month when before I was working 50 hours+ a week. I really like arts and craft but I find everyone in that area is older than me and that’s fine but I feel like I really need some friends my own age.
DISNEYDATKNEE - I seriously could have written your post myself I seem to get on well with everyone but it just doesn’t last, I also find I get on better with men, women don’t seem to like me as much.

i'm not surprised you're feeling depressed, you've suffered a lot of upheaval, try not to be so hard on yourself, it's great that you are blessed with such loving & supportive parents. i wouldn't dwell too much on the living with parents situation, they are happy to have you there, lots more people are still living with their parents these days, don't worry too much about what society thinks. i'll echo what others have said, you're young & have the world at your feet, try travelling, go to the meetup website to search for groups/new hobbies, try volunteering, these will all get you out meeting new people. i understand how it feels to be lonely, i am also feeling the same & sorry that you are feeling this but things will get better for us, we just need to give ourselves a kick up the arse & get out there, we need to start to live life! good luck & take care

joining a walking group helped my depression & anxiety, it is good for confidence, you might be able to find a local group here www.walkingforhealth.org.uk or try googling simply walk with your local area, it might also be worth speaking to your gp if you're feeling depressed, they might be able to advise you on other activities at your surgery.

As others have mentioned, something like meet up is a good option. Don’t expect instant friends but if you keep going on a regular basis, friendships will form. Counselling is also worth a go. And I think you are too hard on yourself, even mutual breakups leave emotional wounds that need to heel plus moving equals massive disruption to your life, anyone would wobble.

We all get lonely. I’m one of those people who always act as if everything is going to be fine, and brush off worries so I’m not a burden. This isn’t healthy and when I should be asleep my insecurities come out! The fact that you came on here to talk about it means you are taking steps to improve things. And that’s a good thing. Also take it from a middle aged woman, 28 is young, you have everything to play for! Good luck x

sorry i shouldn't have said a 'kick up the arse' as in reality it's not like that or easy when depressed, i was just trying to be light hearted, just know that things can get better, i wish you all the very best in life x

I'm going to buck the trend and say don't listen to the 'plenty of time' remarks. You are young, yes, but now is the time to jump on your career and start earning. Stay with your parents by all means (I totally understand that, although I just have my mum and she's moved in me, we still live together and it does hamper your sense of achievement!) but save money and get your career on the go. Don't bother temping unless it's really hard to find permanent work.
Dating-wise, yes, go hard at that too, but not to the detriment of your career.
I'm saying all this as someone who has been in a very similar position and isn't all that different ten years on, except I have a daughter! I wish I'd concentrated on making money and climbing the ladder at work rather than chasing love around and having nothing to show for it. I travelled, I temped, I've got a lot of good stories and not much else!

I think if you like arts and crafts have a look online for classes at the cooler end of the spectrum. I did a pattern cutting course and dressmaking which had lots of women in their 20s and 30s. I used to do Stitch n Bitch which was quite big for a few years - not sure if it’s still going, photography - which obviously had men and women. Other than that I’ve been to a number of different book clubs through Meet up, even ran my own for a while. Look out for evening events happening in venues like book shops which you might be happy going to in your own. There might be also be interesting things advertised in independent coffee shops if you have any nearby.., they often have notice boards with community events listed. Other than that it’s just a matter of being bold and taking the first step.