I'll try not to drip feed but it will be difficult as it's not easy to talk about. I've been in a relationship for just over a year with a guy (10 years younger than me - I'm 51) who I thought was amazing. He talked the talk for the initial 3 months by which time I was smitten. I then found out that despite telling me he had split up from his ex over 6 months previously, that he was actually still seeing her. He didn't tell me this - she did. He told me she was crazy but then after some super-sleuthing on my part, I realised she was telling me the truth. Unfortunately, I had to get the police involved as she incessantly sent me messages (not horrible but just telling me the truth) which drove me nuts as he was telling me the opposite. I ended up having a breakdown and ended up in a psychiatric unit for a week.
We remained together and the following few months weren't too bad, although I was forbidden to mention her name and if I ever did then he would get very angry, resulting in punching walls, breaking mirrors and ultimately slitting his wrists in front of me. I got blamed for this and also the fact that I didn't call an ambulance which he has never let me forget.
After 9 months together, we started a blog which we made an Instagram account and before I put any photos on I would always ask his permission first. We made a photo of us holding hands, although you couldn't see our faces or any other identifying features. I asked if it was ok to post, he said yes. Later that day he went nuts saying that I put it on deliberately to hurt the "ex" as it was her birthday and I must have known this? I didn't have a clue (why would i?) - I said so what if she decides to stalk our instagram, we had been together for 9 months by this point, hasn't she got over it? He called me an evil manipulating cunt. A few days later I became ill and went to the GP and got diagnosed with an STI. I was put on antibiotics which he made me stop taking as he said its destroying my good bacteria. I continued to be ill for about 3 weeks.
Unfortunately I have a permanent medical condition which means I attend a day centre one day a week. I broke down one day at the centre and told my key worker what had been going on. They involved the police again and a social worker (which I was ok about) and initiated a SOVA to help me get support with it all. This is still ongoing (he doesn't know) and has been really helpful. I now have an IDVA (domestic abuse advisor) as the police identified i needed support.
I have also spoken to the police directly who have been great. However the problem is that they cant really help until I finish the relationship. I have a Marker on the house (he doesn't know).
You might all be asking why I don't just end it? Well he has history of revenge on previous girlfriends and I don't want to be next. At least 2 that I know have had to move house just to move out of the area - the police are aware of this. They have even suggested that they can help me move but my girls are doing GCSE and A levels and I don't have the money to move.
I am finding it difficult to think clearly and rationally - he says I'm over sensitive and emotional. My key worker and friends says he is abusive and controlling. There's a lot more to the story but I could go on all night.
I now have a dilemma. My eldest daughter does not live locally but has recently had a baby and wants me to go and stay with her for a couple of weeks. The father of the teenagers is not happy about it as he says it adds an hour to his working day to drop them at school (he lives 30 mins from me/school) and he needs me to me here to do the school runs. And the abusive boyfriend doesn't know yet that my daughter wants/needs me - if i tell (ask) him he will be really angry - he will call me all sorts, block me, delete me, tell all his friends and family loads of lies. I know this because 3 months ago he did the same thing when I went to visit my daughter for 4 days. I then had to beg him to forgive me for leaving him.
Do I tell my eldest that she needs to try and cope on her own and that keeps the teens, the teens dad and the abusive boyfriend happy? Or do I go and help my daughter? I want to do the latter. I am trying to split myself in 4 and I can't do it.
I feel broken. Help me.