My mum died in 2016, a week and a half after my grandad died.
I had an aunt that I was close to, particularly when my mum was sick however, I have had to cut her out of my life since, for my own sanity. For example, she and my mum were going to plan my grandads funeral but my mum got too sick, so she expected me to help. She had children of her own but they were “too delicate”. So I was expected to step in. That whole period is just a blur but I just remember being at the vicars house discussing my grandad and my aunt getting cross because I wasn’t contributing.
When it was my grandads funeral she just kept asking me if I had found a white photo album that used to belong to my grandad in my mums stuff (I had to tell her Id not even started going through my mums stuff),When it was my mums funeral she yelled at me for not telling my grandads brother about the funeral, I didn’t know how to reach him, she did but apparently I was at fault for not trying hard enough.
I have also since found out that she has denied my grandad had a will so she could apply for probate and just split my grandads money between her and her brothers/sisters effectively cutting us out the will (my grandad made some kind of provision for my disabled brother).
Since then it just seems to be one thing after another. I had a mentally unstable uncle keep trying to break into my mums house after she died (he was convinced he had left something of his there, I had emptied the house and it wasn’t there, I kept telling him but he wouldn’t listen)I have had physical threats from a cousin on my dads side and had to deal with that, I have somehow become the responsible person for my brother who is disabled despite having another brother, then I have another brother (DB3) who has got quite a lot going on at the moment (Im trying not to be too identifying) so I am having to help him out with that.
I seem to have filled the gap that my mother left (she was there to fix everything for everyone and now everyone expects the same from me.
Only, I know it sounds harsh but I am starting to feel quite resentful that this sort of thing worked two ways, for example, I was supposed to call DB3 one night but I couldn’t as we had to take DS to hospital as he had hurt his hip.
I texted DB3 to let him know and to say that I would try and call the following day as I was off, as DS had to go have an x ray and got no response. When I called him (the following day) he just launched into his problems, but not once asked how DS was, if he was OK, what the problem was, nothing). Hes had no birthday cards (he was actually quite sad that he didn’t get many cards) because my mum always had to remind them when his birthday was.
I hate that I am starting to feel so resentful over the way my family are treating me, and I hate that I am letting them do this. I miss my mum so much but I just don’t feel like I have even had time to grieve over the loss because of all these constant demands. I know written down it doesn’t sound like much, but there are many more instances that I could list but I am trying not to overdo it so that I don’t get outed, as some of them are very, unique, and I hate my aunt for treating us all so bloody appallingly that I don’t even have her to turn to.
I have DH but I am scared that if I keep on offloading onto him, he will have enough eventually. I don’t want to do to him what my family are doing to me