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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Should I be suspicious?

31 replies

Jsd1 · 01/02/2018 13:25

Do you think I should be suspicious that my OH was trying to take aftershave to an office party without me knowing.?

OH hasn't worn aftershave for many years and the bottle he was going to take was full and at least 10 years old, so this was something quite out of the ordinary.

He'd brought it in from the garage where he had left it while unpacking from our recent house move and 'hid' it in a kitchen cupboard on the night before the office party.

(Un)fortunately my son saw it and asked him whose it was which is why I think he moved it to his bathroom shelf which is when i first saw it again.

When I asked him if he was taking it to the Party he replied "No i brought it in for you" I knew this was a lie but have been unable to get any reasonable answer from him.

Initially he said he had seen it while in the garage and thought he would take it with him - this is very difficult to believe as the bottle is quite small, the garage dark and the shelf it was on at the back of the garage, Then he decided he'd been thinking about his aftershave and decided to take it for no other reason than it seemed like a good idea at the time.

He gets very cross when i try to dig any deeper and refuses to talk about it.

He goes to the same party each year - never to my knowledge taking aftershave. The difference this year a new female colleague has joined an all male office.

Should i be worried or just forget it?

OP posts:
deste · 01/02/2018 13:44

I would leave it alone, if that is all you have to go on which is nothing really. Not to say be vigilant but really give the guy a break.

fridayrain · 01/02/2018 13:49

If he has never made an effort with aftershave before and he is being secretive about it along with the new female colleague then i would be suspicious.

It may just be that when it was usually all men he didnt feel the need to bother before but now seems more concious of his appearance so i would be wondering why.

Trust your instinct.

mindutopia · 01/02/2018 13:51

Unless you have more reasons than that to be suspicious, no I probably wouldn't think anything more about it. My dh doesn't wear aftershave normally (which is good actually, because I'd probably hate it!). But he does wear it or pack it with him if he's going anywhere extra special. So like a wedding, a stag do, that sort of night out. He wouldn't wear it if we were just going out on a date night ourselves. I think it's just what you do when you have a rare big night out (I would consider an office party to probably be one of those instances unless it was just a few drinks right after work and they do it all the time). I wouldn't assume it meant my dh was cheating on me though, unless there was some obvious reason why it seemed like he was.

Bluntness100 · 01/02/2018 13:56

Weird as fuck he feels he has to hide taking aftershave, which he clearly feels. Do you hide your perfume? I can't imagine being questioned on that or feeling I need to hide toiletries. What a way to live.

It's also old shit aftershave that probably stinks and is off.

Honestly the mind boggles how folks live.

loveablether · 01/02/2018 13:57

I don't think you have anything to worry about on this alone - it'll be funny if all the guys do the same and the poor girl is surrounded by men who don't normally wear aftershave but have poured it on. He'll probably be a bit shy about it as he's making an effort for a change.

Bluntness100 · 01/02/2018 13:58

Oh and my reaction would be "why the fuck are you hiding aftershave, buy yourself some decent stuff for God's sake". Not he must be cheating.

WitchesHatRim · 01/02/2018 14:01

Weird as fuck he feels he has to hide taking aftershave, which he clearly feels. Do you hide your perfume? I can't imagine being questioned on that or feeling I need to hide toiletries. What a way to live.

I agree.

Guest0698 · 01/02/2018 14:03

The lies would ring alarm bells with me tbh

Mummaly · 01/02/2018 14:08

It would also rouse my suspicion, it's the nature of how it is done, if he was open about wearing it, you might think to yourself that it is odd that he is wearing it at all but the hiding aspect is the real cause for concern. I think that 'bluntness100' is missing the point and I agree with the others that you don't have much to go on however I personally am not sure I could keep it in, it would bug me all day and night and affect my behaviour towards him. My OH would know there was something wrong and I would probably have to tell him. It could be nothing it could be something. What does your gut say?

Bluntness100 · 01/02/2018 14:10

I don't think I am missing the point, the point is he feels he isn't allowed to wear aftershave and has to hide it if he does wish to wear it. Why does he feel the need to hide it? Because he would be questioned clearly.

This is not normal in my view.

hellsbellsmelons · 01/02/2018 14:11

Has his behaviour changed in any other ways?
More secretive with his phone?
Clothes a bit smarter?
Working out?
Losing weight?
Menitonitis?

OhCalamity · 01/02/2018 14:17

Why does he feel the need to hide aftershave? It's not a butt plug for heavens sake!

WitchesHatRim · 01/02/2018 14:20

Why does he feel the need to hide aftershave?

Well the OPs reaction seems to be why.

QuiteLikely5 · 01/02/2018 14:23

Op

You need to back off. Let the guy wear it if he wants!

Ten year old it will be stinky anyway!

And what witches hat said!

SleightOfMind · 01/02/2018 14:25

The aftershave hiding makes me wonder if you’ve had these issues before.

Why wouldn’t he just wear it if he wanted to? Have you been suspicious of his actions in the past?

LuckyLuckyWoman · 01/02/2018 14:25

I work with someone who repeatedly wears old aftershave. Smells like cat pee. He likes to call it retro.

pudding21 · 01/02/2018 14:33

I stopped wearing perfume when my youngest was a baby and I was breastfeeding, in the end I got out the habit of wearing it. I decided to start wearing it again on occasions and was questioned about my motives. I wanted to buy more, but didn't (they were a few years old). First thing i did when I left my ex was buy a new bottle of Issey Miyake........I wasn't cheating.

Wtfdoicare · 01/02/2018 14:37

Hmm. My DH never wears aftershave either, hasn't even for special occasions, in about 20 years. I would be suspicious if he suddenly bought some and starting using it. I would ask him why the change?

Mummaly · 01/02/2018 14:58

Blutness100 i don't think the OH is forbidden from wearing adterahave,"

Mummaly · 01/02/2018 15:01

Sorry just boarded a bus with shopping and sent! Yes bluntness100, i don't think the OH is on an aftershave ban, more that because he never wears it and then did out of the blue is what raised suspicion.

maras2 · 01/02/2018 15:40

10 years old?
Holy crap! It's not Jizz is it?
Don't worry, he'll never pull wearing that shit.
Seriously though I'd be a bit sus.Best just ask again WTF he's up to. To bad if it makes him cross.

maras2 · 01/02/2018 15:43

Oh fuck! jazz FFS I meant JAZZ Blush

anxiousnow · 01/02/2018 15:49

Grin @maras2 jazz!!! Grin

Op. Sorry but to me the way he has gone about it, premeditated, does sound suspicious. If he just felt like smelling nice and did it last minute no problem but the calculation and planning sounds strange to me.

anxiousnow · 01/02/2018 15:50

Jizz even Hmm my phone is obviously more innocent than yours Halo

dirtybadger · 01/02/2018 15:51

It is suspicious in that it's raised your suspicion, but it's not necessarily indicative of anything untoward. It's pretty plausible that he was going to take/wear it because of the new woman, and was embarrassed to admit this- but it doesn't really mean he fancies her or wants anything to be going on. I'm sure you'll notice if anything else happens in the future which suggests anything but an innocent explanation.

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