Tips on how to live together while divorcing - please help me

[Hadron21]

How do you do it? How long will the whole bloody thing take?

I can’t stand the snide comments and unpleasantness. He’s moved into the back bedroom and we don’t eat / cook together. We have two young kids so I’m desperately trying to create a normal household so that it doesn’t affect them too much.

He says things that go over the kids heads but are digs at me and I can’t respond as I don’t want to argue in front of them.

It’s hard enough without him being horrible to me.

So, how do I do it? How did you cope?

You need to sit down without the kids around and have a real conversation. You don’t have to act like partners or even friends but you need to be civil and this means no digs, even if they go over the kids head - they will sense the atmosphere even if they don’t understand the words.

I also believe it’s improyant that kids see you getting along so they don’t feel like any of the situation is their fault... whether this is you avoiding your ex all week but all having breakfast together on a weekend or doing bedtime together etc.

If he can’t be mature enough to agree to this then one of you has to leave otherwise it will escalate - more digs, more tense and then it will affect the children.

Sorry you are going through this
Separating is hard, living together while separating is harder and it’s horrible with children. X

Thank you Bigpizzalover - it’s so hard when I’m the only one being reasonable. I wish he would leave but he’s refusing to go.
I’ll just have to try being out of the house more. I think it’s because it’s got no ‘end date’ I’m just seeing the future like this for a long time. X

Is there any third party such as a parent from either side or friend he respects that could step in and have words? And focus on the fact of the atmosphere for the children.
X

How long has this been going on? I imagine he will get bored with it shortly.

I lived with STBXH for several months, and we did have a short period just after we agreed to split where he was quite nasty, but it wasn't long. I just ignored it (it wasn't easy!). He want your attention/reaction, don't give it to him.

I used to go out all the time and leave my DD with him.
He was moving abroad so I had an end date.
And a good reason to ensure he spent some time with DD before he buggered off for good.
You need to ensure you take it in turns spending time with the kids.
Feeding the kids.
Doing their washing etc....
Would he be open to discussing that?

I lived with my eXH for around nine months after we split to allow for houses and finances etc to go through.

In the beginning it was horrible and we had some horrible arguments. Actually even at the end we had some rows but for the most part we had to co-exist because of DS.

On the plus side it meant that the majority of really bad feeling was clarified before I moved out and we were in fact fairly amicable by the time I did. We both spent separate time with DS, but we still e.g. ate together since I was cooking anyway.

On the downside the fact we weren’t together was a constant reminder and this was something which was always brought up in arguments etc which made things more difficult.

The hardest part is not yet having a plan going forward. You say he won’t leave, what are the circs re your breakup? If he won’t leave could you move out with the DC?