Is my co worker crossing the line or not?

[RubyN]

I've been working with a guy for 4 months - admittedly when I first met him there was a spark and he is probably someone I would have dated in another life (I have a boyfriend, he has a lovely girlfriend).

I feel like things changed after a company party recently, where he stayed close to me for much of the night (his girlfriend was also there, but often chatting with other party-goers). At the end he asked for a hug (didn't do this with other colleagues), but I just thought he was being friendly.

After the party, I felt his behaviour toward me changed. He started offering to share his break time snacks with me and no one else (which I found a bit embarrassing) and started going out of his way to do little things for me. He started always sitting or standing close to me, which I think our manager picked up on.

Last week he made a racy comment when he saw I had been clothes shopping (really, it wasn't that exciting...) and today he said 'so you're really wild then huh?' over something completely innocuous. When he said this our female manager, who was also in the staff room, said his name sharply, as a mild reprimand I thought.

Is he just having a bit of a flirt to make the work day pass quicker? I find his comments a bit embarrassing more than anything!

I'm no expert but it does sound like he's trying to start something.

I think you need to point out that his behaviour isn't appropriate. If you aren't sure if it is inappropriate, say that.
He says "vblah blah b lah, oo-err?"
You say "is that appropriate....?"
And then he has the chance to "defend" himself (see: pretend it was a joke to repair his ego), and you've made it clear you're not playing.

Realistically, I don't see how he could - he lives with his girlfriend and I don't get the impression he is a sh*t person. He doesn't have my number outside of work. But lately, my intuition is just feeling a bit off about the things he is saying/how close he is to me physically.

I suppose I am looking for advice on how to handle it or if ignoring it, is I have been, is the best way.

If what he says bothers you, tell him to shut his big stupid mouth because he's making a fool out of himself. Stand up for yourself, FGS.

Look OP, his behaviour makes you uncomfortable (rightly so) and you need to make it verbally clear that you aren't interested in anything more than cordial contact and yes, you will need to explain what that is in words of one syllable.

You are going to have to be blunt because these persistent snowflakes types, will act like their behaviour is innocent (when they know that it isn't) and that you're the weird one for reading too much into their behaviour.

Be angry OP, this man is making the most of the idea that the male ego is a precious thing and women have to be gentle aka compliant, which only affords them the opportunity to push our boundaries further. However physically attractive this man may be, his behaviour most certainly isn't.

Oh and OP, when male colleagues asks you for a hug it is never innocent, this player just manipulated you into giving him permission to breach your personal space and in doing so, set you up for him to further encroach upon your boundaries in the future. His friendliness is a cloak for him to carry out his agenda in plain sight.

There's nothing innocent about his behaviour, he's got you in his crosshairs, cut this entitled opportunist off.

Drop you ur boyfriend into the conversation, that should be enough for him to get the hint.

If he’s making you uncomfortable then tell him so. The next time he does something immediately say “don’t do/say that, it makes me uncomfortable”. If he continues then complain to your boss. I would hope he stops though.

I wouldn’t get angry, I’d be direct and matter of fact because that way there can be no cross-complaining about your behaviour.

No hints or mentioning your bf. Be direct, your uncomfortableness has nothing to do with you having a bf. His behaviour makes you uncomfortable and if he was a decent human, he would also be uncomfortable with exhibiting behaviour that made you uncomfortable.

Do not apologise/ explain/ justify your feelings, you haven’t done anything wrong. Tell him that his behaviour makes you uncomfortable and his brand of ‘friendliness’ isn’t going to be reciprocated, if the behaviour persists, then you will avoid him.