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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Should I expect help or not?

2 replies

SmellyHippo · 29/04/2007 19:59

Me and my partner do not live together, I have children from a previous relationship, he has none.
Anyway this weekend he was staying with us (usual for a weekend) and he just never lifts a finger to help. He piles the sink up with pots (adds more to the sink when he can see it is already overflowing and needs doing), if we get a takeaway he leaves all his papers and boxes on the table for me to clean up.

Tonight I was really busy, I always am on a sunday evening getting the kids ready for school monday morning but tomorow I am starting a new job so I'm already stressed to hell, panicking and worrying wanting everything to be perfect and 'ready to go' for tomorow morning. Anyway I said I wanted to get a takeaway to avoid cooking and pot washing, he insisted that we make pasta (fair enough, he was trying to save me money) and he said he would make it so whilst I'm rushing around tidying up every 5 minutes I kept getting "pass me the milk", "pour that in while I stir", "pass me so and so..." and then when it was in the over he "reminded me" after 10 minutes that it was probably over-cooking so I had to go and serve it up afterwards I went to wash the pots and he sat and watched TV, at the same time I was trying to run my youngests bath, at the same time I'm also trying to get my eldest to turn off the PC...all the time he's sat there watching tv occasionally shouting of me to tell me whats going on . I was bathing my youngest and had to shout up to my eldest to ask him to bring youngests dressing gown down, DS1 did his usual trick of "cant find it" and didnt even try, DP must've heard me in a flap and still remained on the sofa.

I know they're not his kids and its not his house but would it really hurt him to use his initiative and help me a little? or am I expecting too much?

OP posts:
hatwoman · 29/04/2007 20:03

the minimum you can exepct is for him to pull equal weight re non-kid related things - like cooking and washign up. which it doesn;t sound like he's doing. it would also be entirely reasonable for you to think he might see his way to making your joint lives easier by helping out with the kids a bit. it would also be pretty normal for a partner to help you in times of stress like the night before starting a new job. in other words he isn;t being fair.

SmellyHippo · 29/04/2007 21:02

I don't expect him to do alot, just take the initiative when he see's I could use some help.

OP posts:
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