DD is seeing a conman, getting into debt and not speaking to anyone in the family

[Desrepaie]

DD is dating a convicted fraudster that is manipulative and has been shown to tell downright lies. She won't see any sense and has gone from being very careful with money to getting into huge debt and shouting abuse at family members that don't even pry just ask normal questions. She shuts off and gets defensive. She's pretty much cut out all of the family.

Is there anything I can do? She's always been very neive and believing and unstable.

I'm trying to do nothing, but it's harder said than done.

Does she know factually he is a bad un? Could you print proof off for her and leave her to digest it?
My ils knew my new dp had a history and hired a PI, wish to heaven they had showed me the findings and I would have walked away.

Oh dear such a sad situation but don’t give up on her as yet. Sometimes, this involves giving DD enough space and distance to learn from her mistakes.

She's going to have to find out the hard way.

Let her know that there is a way back to you. Make sure there is a trusted aunt/friend who she can talk to, who will keep you in the loop confidentially.

Be prepared to accept behaviour that you wouldn't normally.

Hopefully she'll come through the other side, and realise what a mistake she made.

For you

Does she own her home. I'd be worried about him taking it.

How old is your dd?

If she is an adult, there is absolutely nothing you can do. She's going to ruin her life and she will have to be the one to put it back together. This may sound harsh, but she has made her bed, and you running to pick up the pieces won't do her any favors. She chose this man, she chose to cut her family out, she can deal with the consequences.

No she doesn't realise, just insists that everyone is out for him and it's her job to protect him. He's been found guilty three times in court cases.

She's 28. We've met with one PI and wasn't very impressed, might try to find another. Any tips to finding a good one?

Thanks for all the advice.

She's been suicidal before so ruining her life and finding out the hard way may mean the worst .

Yes she has a house, how can he take that away? Surely if he's been convicted several times if it came to a court case he'd loose again?

He could convince her to sell it to one of those "sell your house for cash" schemes, which of course never pay as much as it's worth. I've read stories like this in women's magazines, hopefully she won't get talked into that. Sounds worrying as you said she was good at saving and now she's in debt.

To be honest if that got rid of him I wouldn't mind remortgaging my house to get him gone.

Then again each time she seems to go for a woorse guy and never learns

I’d be worried about her house too.

First of all, tell her you will always be there for her, no matter what happens.

I used to date and guy years ago who was not so dissimilar. Best thing my parents did was do nothing apart from be supportive. I see now that they were trying not to push me away. We split up in the end because he ended it when he couldn't use me anymore. I do wonder what would have happened had we not split up but am SO grateful that we did. I guess that's the place you're at, not wanting to push her away but also not wanting to push her into him.

My advice is to be supportive but be clear that you'll always be there for her. If the opportunity arrises you could ask some questions about things that might make her think twice. Comments like "this didn't used to bother you but now it does, is everything ok".

If you can find a PI who is a retired cop that's usually a good indicator. And don't be afraid to ask for and check references.

I agree that you need to get what documentation you can on him, show it to her, but be prepared for her to not listen, tell you 'he's changed', or even get angry and storm out. But make sure you tell her in a calm 'just the facts ma'am' way with no judgement and a 'neutral' tone. And make sure you tell her that you respect her right to lead her life as she sees fit, you just want to be sure she's in full possession of the facts.

At 28, there is nothing you can legally do to protect her home. Unless by any chance you loaned her any part of the down payment for her house and there are formal loan documents and she still owes you an outstanding balance. If there are, then it may be that you can put a lien on the house for the balance owed. See a solicitor. It won't stop her from selling, but it means that you'll get the outstanding amount back before the proceeds from a sale are given to her. If the worst happens and she sells the house you could always put that by for her for later when the shit hits the fan.

Frankly, I'd be more worried about him moving in and her putting his name on the house thereby giving him a legal claim to it in the event of a break up (which is inevitable). She could end up with him getting the house out from under her.