Dealing with Dad's comments..

[mimp]

Hi, I am here to try and get some advice and hopefully a better perception of recent comments from my Dad.

For a brief history my Father in particular has always said how clever my sister is and was uni material if she had just worked. I apparently never had a hope in hell. They moved me into a different school after 2 terms of GCSE's and then I got glandular fever. My results were poor mostly D's. I have always been embrassed about this as I felt I could of done better if circumstances had been different.
Anyway I worked hard and for the last 20 odd years have worked in accounts, married had kids. Brought and sold a few houses, made money doing them up and I also owned a piece of land at one point so built two houses on it and sold them. DH is very clever but has crap parents and has like me struggled with his self worth, he has worked hard and has worked his way up the ladder. We have managed to get the kids into good schools and the oldest is at uni.

So fast forward on the phone to my Dad worrying about the kids and how I can help them etc. Stupidly asked my Dad if he ever worried about me and my sister. Response was, No not you you were only ever going to be mediocre so there was no point worrying. I am so stupid to have asked but I just can't get over hearing those words. DH and I have worked so hard to improve our lot in life without a good education but at best I am still only mediocre. I just can't get over it and my DH doesn't understand why I keep going on about it.
I really need some advice to get over this or move on or just not feel so crushed by it..
Thank you for reading

Out of curiosity, how is your sister doing in life these days?

I struggled with the same sort of thing growing up. My sister is the academically superior one of the 2 of us, and it was always apparent that my DM was prouder of her, than she was of me. She said she was equally proud etc but it was obvious. I've worked hard and got myself a decent job, as has DH, we have our own home (although not without some help from her and other family), are engaged, have a 1yo DS. Yet I still feel like the idiot daughter.

Father or not that was a fucking awful thing to say and he's a twat!
Any respect I had for him would have died right there.
You have done brilliantly, certainly not mediocre and his is the last bit of validation or approval you need. You're worth way more.
Well done to you and long may your successful happy life continue x

Wow! You sound like you’ve achieved loads. Your dad sounds like a dick.
1- surely you worry about the child you think will struggle to achieve things not the one you think is more capable
2- your sister, no matter how bright was never uni material if she couldn’t be bothered to work.

I think I’d struggle too to get over this but from your last post sounds like he has form for being a dick so you just need to let go, your dad’s not going to change but you can stop contacting him and enjoy what you and your family have achieved

For a start academic achievement is not the only measure of success or intelligence. Plenty of people who are very bright academically go on to be unsuccessful and vice versa.

Also, if you've known as a little girl that your parents didn't expect you to achieve much academically then it can knock your confidence and be a self fulfilling prophecy.

Anyway, as a parent yourself, even if it had been true that you're not clever or ambitious (which you are as you've proven, and achieved a lot more than I have with my degree!) , You don't speak to your kids like that. You're proud and encouraging and help them make the most of themselves in a field they are happy in.

So there's something wrong with that man and it isn't you. He sounds a little abusive?

Success is only measured by comparison to others, whilst satisfaction is yours alone. So if you're,happy, fulfilled and satisfied with your lot, you've succeeded at life. Doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. 😊