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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Two year relationship and immediately went back to abusive ex?

6 replies

gaz19uk04 · 30/01/2018 16:57

Me and my ex were great we were together just short of 2 years it wasnt easy we both had a child. But the last weeks of the relationship we started arguing over silly things mainly me always working and helping everyone else out but not making time for her. It all got on top of me and i left, i said i needed time and wasnt happy. For the next few days she continually tried to change my mind but i was stupidly stubborn and said i loved her but needed more time. She went out that weekend and after the weekend i tried to contact her and say i had made a massive mistake. She didnt want to know, I tried everything since made a fool of myself, gone to far to try and change her mind and am blocked and deleted on everything and im gutted. She told me not to contact her It was her bday in December and i didn know what to do but at that point i wasnt blocked so i did on the evening text her happy birthday and hope she had had nice day to which i got a sarcastic message saying her day had been fantastic and thanking me for a card, explaining even her daughters dad had got her a card and perfume. I was gutted because i wanted to but didn because she had told me to leave her alone. Since then i was blocked and have had no contact to and have found out now that she immediately got back with her child father. Now the bit I cnt get my head around is they hadnt been together for well over 3 years, and he had physically abused her and even hit her daughter in one incident trying to get to her. There was a restraining order in place which ended mid way through last year she had fought him for two years not to see there daughter but now has got back together with him. Like nothing happened in the past and in fact started to say they she was scared of me and he was protecting her from me? I cant understand her behaviour, I understand its over but going back to that absolutely broke me?!

OP posts:
ClaryFray · 30/01/2018 17:01

It's not your business.

When you leave someone your not sure you want to be with for a break it's the chance you take that they will either move on or decide you did the right thing. She did. Lesson learned.

Count yourself lucky you didn't have children with her and move on. What she's doing isnt your concern anymore.

SandyY2K · 30/01/2018 17:16

Leave them to it and move on with your life.

You wanted space...she was probably lonely and gutted and her child's father is familiar...who knows maybe he's changed. If he hasn't...she'll soon find out.

Angelf1sh · 31/01/2018 06:38

It’s sad for the child that she’s done that but it’s not your business now. If you think there’s child safeguarding issues (and I mean genuinely, not just troublemaking) then you should tell social services.

You chose to separate, even if it was only temporary in your eyes, and you took a risk that backfired. She doesn’t want you now and you have to accept that. Move on, you’ll meet someone new.

TheNaze73 · 31/01/2018 08:06

If you saw this thread as a 3rd party reader, you’d have realised that you’ve dodged a Bullet

laura65988 · 07/02/2018 07:21

U left her she tried u didn't want to know and then when u realized it was to late her getting back with her ex is her mistake move on she has

ALittleBitConfused1 · 07/02/2018 21:07

I don't think you've made a mistake, it hurts but that's just life it will pass.
It wasn't working, something made you leave, something made you stand by your decision those first few days.
If she moved on that quickly and her judgement is that poor to put herself and her daughter back in that situation after fighting so hard to get out of it you're probably better off out of it.
You wasn't happy and she sounds like someone who struggles to cope without a man.
Give yourself a chance to heal, don't beat yourself up over it. Give time the chance to get you over this then move on with someone who appreciates a hard working kind and helpful man.

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