Having a baby can be really hard on your relationship. I found especially that when our first was 7 to about 14 months old was the hardest. The earliest days were behind us. My dh was a bit back to having a normal life and having freedom and free time that I didn't have, and I was still exhausted and doing most of the childcare (back to work part-time from when she was 11 months) and still felt anything but normal. But it sounds like this has been going on from since before your baby was born.
It's not normal for one partner to 'reject' the other. Obviously both mums and dads can experience PND, but that doesn't sound like what's going on with him. He sounds mean and spiteful and controlling rather than depressed and overwhelmed. My dh was up helping me with every night feed since our dd was born, has a busy professional life, was doing early mornings when I went back to work (I had to leave for work at 5:45am one or two days a week so those mornings he did everything including all the night wakings so that I could sleep, got her up in the morning, etc.).
We also weren't having sex to be honest. I have bleeding in pregnancy, so we've never had sex when I was pregnant (well, we tried once and decided never again). That was basically 15 months of no sex at all as we didn't start again until I was 7 months pp the first time because we were co-sleeping and both overwhelmed, etc. I'm pregnant now and we haven't had sex since the night I conceived! But my dh isn't a jerk about it. He understands and is fine with that. He knows what I've gone through because of all the bleeding and I had a miscarriage just before this. He loves and respects me and knows it's temporary. Because he's a good loving supportive partner.
So yes, it's normal for the first year or so of being parents to be ridiculously hard. But this sounds like more than that, as it started before your baby was even born. I would be sitting down, having a serious conversation about what you need from him and how you can move forward and giving him an ultimatum for counseling. No one should be refusing counseling if the other partner genuinely requests it and feels they need to try it. My dh and I have been to counseling (not so much because of relationship problems, per se, but because of a lot of stress in the extended family that was really weighing on our relationship). I requested it and my dh was skeptical but happy to try, because again, we love and respect each other and want to support each other. If none of that works, I would seriously consider how you might make plans to have some time apart and see if that works if you truly aren't happy and can't see a path forward together. That might be the shock he really needs to get it together. Anyway, this isn't your fault! He chooses his behaviour, not you.