When your partner reads your post on MN

[Blackkitten]

I found out some time ago that my DP had been reading my posts on here and also contributing to thread. He also snoops and reads and sends messages on my phone. This makes me very uncomfortable I am now very wary what I write as not to be identified which is such as shame as have always loved the support and advice offered on here. He denied everything at first but does not really seem to understand why this upsets me. Relationship a bit of a mess and most likely over but would value thoughts on this.

bump

I'd check he hasn't installed some sort of keylogging software or similar. My ex did that to me and read all of my emails, obtained all my passwords for stuff... Wish I'd reported him to the police now. If anyone read my messages now they'd be instantly out of the door. It's controlling and abusive. Not that anyone would get a chance to do that, I've basically decided never to even risk ending up in a situation like that again and avoid relationships like the plague as a result.

He sounds like a nutter, op.

Can't be nice living like this.

Possibly a bit off topic but I'm interested by how different the responses are here than on the thread where the OP states she read some hurtful posts from her partner on a different forum: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3159205-Snooped
The phone thing is creepy, but why is MN considered a hallowed safe space to vent / seek advice while other forums are fair game to read what your partner has written?

You don't understand that different people post all the time?

The invasion of privacy and attempts to control would infuriate me and the lack of trust would mean game over on the relationship.

You don't understand that different people post all the time?

Lol. Yes. I do understand that. But it's interesting to me that the general consensus amongst the assorted posters who've replied on each of the two threads is so different. Perhaps it's just coincidence that the people who think internet forums are fair game for "snooping" have posted primarily on the other thread, and posters who think forums should be anonymous / safe spaces have posted primarily on this one.

reads and sends messages on my phone

I'd consider this much more serious than looking on a public internet forum.

If I were posting about things I wanted to hide from my partner I would
a - namechange
b - not leave devices logged in
c - leave that partner

@AnotherDunroamin -- I'm with you.

It just doesn't make sense to me.

on the other thread the husband was making derogatory comments about his seemingly pleasant wife in what appeared to be a normal happy marriage, in this thread a clearly controlling and probably abusive man is extending his control into another area of life. There is a big difference in perception and rightly so.

Abusive exh used to do this. Not sure he ever sent messages on my phone but he was livid that I used mn for support and incredulous about it. Run

The phone thing is creepy, but why is MN considered a hallowed safe space to vent / seek advice while other forums are fair game to read what your partner has written?

I was going to post about this too. The internet is never a safe space and asst any moment what you've put out there could be discovered by anyone. There's also the odd thing whereby any man snooping us creepy and controlling. While it's sensible advice when a woman "suspects" something.

Obviously, different threads attract different people and advice but there can occasionally be a huge difference.

Interesting different points of views on here. Yes it is a public forum but so nice to post and different perspectives. MyDP read posts that I have written about my ex many years ago and other topics and then used that information in arguments, it feels horrible.