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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Opinions please

6 replies

spiral · 29/04/2007 14:25

H goes to every home match ie usually every other week. Goes out about 12ish, comes home about 6.30ish and has had afew drinks. So i am on my own with baby. Many of the no match days he works. I also have baby all day in week apart from one morning. That morning is probably my only break (well i say break, i am actually working!) I just think it is unfair. I hardly have any time for me. He also goes to the pub every day after work. Says he deserves to go because he works hard(which he does)and he says it is just what men do. Is it?? Then when he comes in it is nearly dd's bed time and and after a little play with her he falls asleep. Please help should i put up with this. He says the time in the pub is his right cos he is main earner, but i work just as hard and am also stduying at home degree course so i can earn more in the future. I am lonely and need abit more help. Had a recent moan and he turned round and said well you shouldnt have had her then. You obviously cant cope with her like he can!!! He has never had her on his own for more than a couple of hours and just plays with her. I have to do all the other stuff too. He thinks i am moaning about looking after her i am NOT i adore her. I am moaning about him not doing his share. She is his dd too.

Am i right

OP posts:
PregnantGrrrl · 29/04/2007 15:00

my DP works hard- he doesn't go the pub every night after work- that seems excessive. why doesn't he ever arrange childcare and take you?

he sounds selfish and like he doesn't understand how hard it to take care of a baby all day.

does he have any redeeming features?

loopylou6 · 29/04/2007 15:05

ohhhh syas he deserves the pub coz he works hard????? well if u wernt looking after his daughter then he wouldnt be able to go to work would he? im sorry hun but hes WELL out of order there...stern talking to is needed i think.

hebetalbot · 29/04/2007 15:09

He sounds very selfish IMO. My DH works very hard as well but yet he comes home and does DD's bath and bed while I sort my DS out. It would not even occur to him to leave me to do it all unless it was work related. Sounds like you H wants to carry on with the life he had before your DD arrived. You need to sit down with him and discuss ways of carving out some time for yourself.

mytwopenceworth · 29/04/2007 15:16

working hard is one thing. it's admirable. going out to the pub every night is not on, not on at all. he is a family man and he must understand that his priorities must change. he cannot think of himself and his needs only. he must balance.

if you allow this to continue, it will set the tone for the whole of your marriage. it is not acceptable. i really think this is a case for a Short Sharp Shock. if he wants a family he must be part of it. if he wants to be a single man, he knows where the door is.

it is not about him giving up his 'me' time, he is entitled to it. but so are you and that is where he is letting you down. and if he thinks its a piece of p*ss looking after a baby, i suggest you book yourself into a spa weekend and let him care for dd alone and good luck to him.

hoolagirl · 29/04/2007 15:35

My DP works hard as well.
He usually comes in from work and makes the dinner for us all, I work from home full time as well.
I usually do most of the housework, but only if I have time during my working hours (I usually do have time), If not, we both do things in the evening so we can sit down and put our feet up.
Saying that he does usually fall asleep after his dinner for half an hour.

Janos · 29/04/2007 16:01

Sympathies spiral. I agree with the other posters; he's being very selfish and and unreasonable.

LOL at saying you can't cope. What does he think you are doing while he is at the pub get pissed?

Good advice from mtpw.

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