I have been seeing a guy since october last year and he is great in every way - hes loving, funny, hard working, not too bad to look at - perfect really in many ways.
So why do i keep getting this overwhelming urge to run away?
My last two relationships have been disasters, the first one was very controlling - i wasnt allowed to where anything slightly revealing, i was made to quit a job i loved in a pub because of other men being there and i wasnt allowed to buy anything for myself (be new clothes or just a coffee from costa) he insisted he bought it and then insisted i be extremely grateful afterwards
for example i really wanted some shoes one day, had saved special to buy the shoes myself but ex wouldnt let me, after an argument in the shop with me being called ungrateful i releneted and lrt him buy them, we then went to see my friends wearing the shoes and they all said how lovely they were, i said thanks and he stromed off because i hadnt immediately gushed about how he had bought them for me and about how wonderful he was. That went on for a year and then i got out.
I was single for a year and then got another partner. He was worse. All he ever told me was how stupid and thick i was, how i should be grateful he is even bothering to give me the time of day. I had to go to the police about a sexual assault when i was with him (from years previous not commited by him) so afterwards i went round to his looking for comfort and was met with a punch to the face and told "who the fuck do you think you are bringing that shit round here at 9pm?! Do you really think i want to talk about that. Your disgusting" or words very similar.
He was alot older than me (i was 23 he was 35) and had a lot more money than me (mainly selling drugs) and cheated on me the whole time with an ex. I dont know how i was so stupid tbh but he was very good at being manipulative for example if i brought up the fact said ex's knickers were on his radiator and its not on his response was always along the lines of "your so young and stupid do you not realise that adults can share a bed and not have sex, she just a friend and you are being paranoid and pathetic" which obviously i would yhen belive.
Went out woth him for 2 years, got pregnant and was terrified for the future my baby would have so i moved in with my mum and dad, didnt tell him o was going and never spoke yo him again - he still doesnt know about baby who is now 11 months old.
I sorted myself out, i work, i live on my own, i support us both and frankly im doing a good job i think.
This is where i get bacj to original question, now i have met lovely guy, lovely guy seems pefect in every way BUT i keep thinking back to how my previous relationships have seemed like lovely guys at the start so i keep looking for signs its going the same way and now i dont know if they are there or if im making mountains out of mole hills.
Some things that make me cringe are mindless chit chat....first ex i mentioned wanted to text 27 hours a day and godforbid i didnt reply for 10 minutes i was clearly shagging someone else. Now new bf doesnt mind if dont reply but he does love mindless chit chat and it makes me want to run away but i dont know if thats because im relating it other paat experiences??? I feel stupid even asking but i have absolutely no idea what a normal relationship looks like.
He also like to do things for me (carry my shopping bits of DIY etc) and again i just keep thinking oh no this is how it starts all nice then before i know it i wont be allwoed anymore.
This is getting stupidly long so i apologise thanks if you got to the end, any advice is greatly appreciated. I guess really what im saying is how do you tell the right amount of nice from too nice??