Advice needed please... family lawyer or own experience

[Moonraker37]

Hello, it's been a long road but I'm considering divorce. I'm a SAHM, joint owner of house with only a year left on mortgage. I haven't worked in five years.

What ducks do I need to get in a row to divorce? I see that expression all the time. My husband isn't abusive in any way. We have just fallen out of love. Tried relate etc etc. Still considering options but if we were to divorce I wouldn't know where is the best place to start.. aside from solicitor.

I'm so torn. Thinking I should probably stay married as it's not awful enough to leave but we have separate lives, irritate each other a lot! But do a good job being parents to two young DC.

Thank you for any experience you have to share, I appreciate it. I keep staying stuck and dying a little inside every passing year. Dramatic as that sounds!

Split and sell house best thing for it even better if u can do it amicably

You will need a solicitor as if there are assets and pensions etc it is virtually impossible to do it without. However, doing it amicably and sorting as much out between yourselves will save a fortune as a solicitor will usually expect a substantial standing order every month!

Looking to the future will help. Are you looking at going back to work? If so looking at options, getting a CV ready now will also help as inevitably at some point you will have disagreements with your husband and it will be difficult (sorry but never seen a completely amicable divorce)

Believe me you do NOT want to just stay married as it is" not awful enough to leave" !!

I did that and then it broke down years later leaving me much older and with many less options in finding a new partner ! Don't "settle" - oyu only have one life !

Getting your ducks in a row: things like:

Know your finances - what you spend, what you need

Gather documentation on all financial stuff - house value, any loans, any savings, ISAs, pensions

Think about how you want childcare split to look. Be willing to discuss openly and reasonably

Get your support network in place - friends, lawyer, coach/counsellor if you want

Think about what you enjoy and love to do - start to build a life for yourself. In my experience, even when you want a divorce there is a grieving process to go through. Be kind to yourself.

Think about how you might live. Will you need to share the house for a while?

Are there opportunities for any work for you?

Thank you everyone for your input. I do appreciate it. I'm going to read them all carefully, twice!

Thank you

How old are you and dc?

I could recommend counselling for yourself so you are absolutely sure you are making the right decision and its not a mid life transition.
I think getting yourself back to work is probably the most important practical step.Judges will expect you to earn independently and you cannot rely on your H supporting you over an above income plus tax credits.

I left an abusive marriage and realities of sharing my children is still difficult.I miss critical times for them however I had to leave as it is was intolerable.
If your h is a decent man it doesn't have to be hostile so it can work.

Are you happier when he is not around?

Hi, I'm 42, DC are 4 and 7. To be honest, yes, I am happier when he's not around. He is caring etc etc but he just irritates me and I feel stressed when he's there. He's a brilliant dad and a decent man. We've tried relate ourselves. But nothing really changes. I can't force myself to be attracted and in love with him. I do love him and care for him. It it weren't for the children I'd have left years ago. I'm currently applying for part time jobs.