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Original poster

Will anyone else ever want me

12 replies

alchemyskullfaries · 30/01/2018 08:53

I am in the process of getting my ducks in a row to leave my husband. But this plays on my mind. Iam only 35 and worry I am going to be alone forever.
Iam definitely one of those people who look better in clothes!! I was unlucky,hit puberty and ended up with stretch marks from shoulder to elbow,stomach hips ,boobs etc. Add in 2 children later and there's barely a part of me that doesn't have them. I look like a deflated balloon.
Iam not over weight,I exercise ,spend time/money on hair, make up and nails,. But it feels like it's false advertising,the thought of anyone seeing me naked is terrifying.
This hasn't been helped by my soon to be ExDH. He constantly makes comments about the way I look. Along the lines of nobody else would love you the way you look,but I do,only I could love you like that. He's just destroyed my confidence and makes me think I should stay with him, because he puts up with the way I look.

OP posts:
Tardis1985 · 30/01/2018 08:59

I can prromise you there will be. I had the same feelings leaving a 10 year sexless relationship. One bit of advice I would give is try and learn to accept and love yourself first before jumping into new relationships. Confidence is very sexy and its good to not have to rely on a relationship to make you feel happy xxx

springydaffs · 30/01/2018 09:04

What a bastard he is Angry

All his stuff, right? So about him controlling you. Bastard to play on your insecurities. That's what abusers do Angry

The right person will adore you for who you are. You need to get your own head straight about your stretch marks, perhaps have a bit of counselling to get it into perspective?

areanyusernamesleft · 30/01/2018 09:04

You've got yourself a manipulative guy there who I'm guessing has purposely body shamed you in the hope you'll never have the confidence to look elsewhere or consider leaving him?

writingsonthewall · 30/01/2018 09:14

Most people look better in clothes, or certainly most people over the age of 30.

Try not to worry, almost everyone worries about the way they look.

He’s a wanker and you’ll find someone so much nicer

hellsbellsmelons · 30/01/2018 09:23

Well I'm glad you are leaving him.
What a wanker.
I agree with a PP.
You need to embrace everything about yourself.
It's who you are.
It's all part of you and someone will love every bit of you... when YOU are ready for that!
My DD had stretch marks quite young.
I just taught her to fully embrace them and if someone didn't like her because of her skin then they were not worth her time or energy.
She got there in the end and says they are part of who she is.
She has a wonderful boyfriend who loves her for who she is!
Don't focus on that, focus on who you are.

OnTheRise · 30/01/2018 09:27

Stretch marks are common. Lots of people have them. But most people know better than to make cruel, body-shaming remarks to those they're meant to love.

Of course other people will love you. Get rid of this tosspot, spend some time learning to be more happy in your own body, and spread your wings.

Costacoffeeplease · 30/01/2018 09:31

Why is his opinion the only one that matters? He’s a twat, ignore, ignore, ignore

sarahjconnor · 30/01/2018 09:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

purplelass · 30/01/2018 09:48

I thought this when my 23 year relationship ended as my ex loved to destroy any confidence I was trying to retain, but was surprised when I met the right man that he didn't judge me at all - which has helped me to very slowly feel more confident about myself... still have the lights out though LOL

ThisLittleKitty · 30/01/2018 10:03

There will definitely be someone out there for you. Don't worry about it too much now just work on trying to get your confidence back as low confidence can tend to attract the wrong kind of men.

Original poster
alchemyskullfaries · 30/01/2018 10:50

Thank you all for replying,makes me feel like I am not the only one!! Definitely need to work on my confidence and self-esteem as I do attract the wrong type. It's circle I have to break I end up with losers because I don't think I can do better.
Thank you hellsbellsmelons you gave me some great advice on another tread I had. My mum used to say the same thing to me and I am sure if she was still here ,she'd be telling to get rid and he's not worth it.

OP posts:
TheSnootiestFox · 30/01/2018 13:34

Ok - I couldn't reply earlier as I inconveniently had to work but, and this may not be your cup of tea. . .

Spend some time alone with your make up bag and some nice underwear and take yourself some selfies. Even if you delete them straight after. I'm in the same boat and have well documented on here about my 15 year sexless marriage 🙄 and I was literally apologetic over my stretch marks and saggy tummy. This lack of any attention whatsoever from my husband led to me having an emotional affair with someone who lives a couple of hundred miles away. I'm sure some may judge, but it's been the absolute best thing for me Grin I'm now separated and some of the photos I've sent my erm, friend, have shown me that actually I'm bloody gorgeous Smile Even naked from certain angles Wink so just make yourself some time and see yourself how others see you. Once the evidence is in front of you, even you can't argue!

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