kicked dp out two days in a row and not sure if i can cope on my own

[aloneandscared]

i was so sick of being lied to that i kicked him out yesterday, not before there was a huge fight in front of our dd. He really seems to think i'm an idiot who will believe anything he tells me.

He came back later in the day bragging that he'd been getting advice from his mum about what to do if i changed the locks and how to get custody of dd. By this time it was nearly her bedtime so i tried to call a truce and we got through the evening by keeping out of each other's way.

This morning he was on the phone to her again, talking conspiritorially so that i couldn't hear. It made me realise that there's really no trust between us and that i have no idea of the extent of things he's keeping from me. I just felt it would be better for our dd if we were as far away from each other as possible, so i asked him to leave again.

Part of me would love to leave with our daughter and not come back. i don't want her to grow up in such a poisonous atmosphere. But i'm afraid i can't cope on my own. i've always relied on him to help out with her and i don't have any friends (as he's fond of reminding me) i can call on for help.

(((hugs))) what an awful situation to be in.

is he quite controlling normally? how do you feel if he was to treturn? - could things be worked out at all?

can your family help out at all with DD?

You don't need to put up with this alone and scared.

You CAN cope on your own, the reason you think you can't is because he has bullied and undermined you.

And I tell you what, no way will he get custody of your DD. Ain't gonna happen.

How are you now?

I've been in your shoes when my daughter was 5. My ex cheated and lied all the time and in the end I kicked him out. I was terrified of not coping on my own but I did it because anything was better than staying in the situation (for my sake and DD). I survived and it is now a distant memory. I have since remarried and have another DD. My message to you is WHATEVER YOU DECIDE TO DO YOU WILL COME THROUGH IT IN THE END AND YOU WILL SURVIVE AND GROW STRONGER. If you do decide to go it alone, you will be OK and could even make a better life for yourself and DD. Thinking of you and don't forget to look after yourself. Go out and get yourself as much support from family and friends as poss - that's the only way to get through it.

you can do, no doubt about it.

it will be hard tho but you really really can do it.

how old is your dd? having LOs can have an amazing effect on your social life altho it tends to be kid oriented and not nights out down the pub LOL.

altho, having said that, my local mumsnet crew meet once a month or so for an evening without the kids.

i really wish you luck and future happiness, be strong and have faith in yourself.

do you no what. i feel for you i really do cause its hard and scary but i am a single parent. it took a long time and you have to make diffcult choices but i am so happy and my son is being raised in a stable, balanced and calm environment where people respect each other and speak in calm tones. I havent met someone yet and to be honest i dont think i want to but if i did i could. and so can you. You love your daugher and you need to respect yourself. he obviously knows about your fear or this behaviour would happen. Just pick up and go with your head held high. go to the council if needs be, its just bricks and mortar and you can build a new home somewhere else. You cant however rebuild your self esteem, sanity and your daughters well being with quite such ease. you have all my support - good luck, whatever you decide!

As DP is DP ad not DH he has bugger all chance of taking your child from you.

Change the locks.