I'm sad.

[GrooovyLass]

I posted in aibu on Saturday. I got extremely triggered watching the young women giving their testimony against Nassar and apparently I was BU to have expected DP to have looked up from his phone to comfort me when I was sitting next to him shaking and crying. He did put his hand on my arm which made me jump so he didn't bother again. Then he accused me of being angry that he hadn't turned the tv over, although I wasn't angry and I hadn't asked him to.

I poured my heart out to him in a message about how watching it took me back to when I was raped at 9. I told him he didn't have to reply so he didn't. And still hasn't today, 2 days later.

I don't feel I can follow up my last message by saying hi how's your day. I want him to be concerned about how I am. How can I stop feeling so sad?

Sorry, paragraphs never work on the app. For info we don't live together but have been a couple for 7 years.

I'm so sorry this happened to you

It sounds like he's being uncaring but he probably doesn't know how to react; maybe a text wasn't the best way to tell him about it. Do you generally have a good relationship?

I'd suggest letting him contact you; but also having some counselling if you haven't already

He already knew I'd been raped. I needed to explain why I reacted how I did. I've had counselling, I don't often get like that it's just that watching the Nassar thing totally traumatised me.

I don’t understand why people thought you were being unreasonable in the circumstances you described. I would 100% expect my partner to show concern if I was crying next to him, especially if I’d been raped in the past. I’m sorry but I don’t think he cares about you. Yes you said he didn’t have to reply but 2 Days silence after a message like that is just weird. I would have expected him to have come over to give you a hug at the very least.

You say you don’t live together after 7 years which is a little odd of itself tbh and possibly shows an underlying lack of commitment anyway. Even if you’re the one that doesn’t want to live with him, I’m still of the view he’s not invested anymore. Nobody who cares would have ignored that.

Sometimes relationships just run their course and I think this one has.

I honestly think all you can really do is ask him straight why he didn't reply to you or react to you being upset. That's the only way you're gonna get any kind of answer.

It could be him being an uncaring arse, sure. It could also be that he was raped as a child too she found it so traumatising hearing your words/seeing the trial that he completely shut down. The only way is to talk. If you can't speak about issues that bother and upset you both after seven years, you have some major relationship problems.

Okay I think he should’ve comforted you, but surely you’d just turn the tv over if something was upsetting you?

I commented on the post. Op started crying her partner went to put his arm around her which made her jumped. He then said "come here" so on her terms, to hug her. She said she froze. So he left it after that. I said she wbu as he obviously did try but didn't want to pressure her. Anyway it's bad that he still hasn't been in contact though. How long have you been together?

Playing devil's advocate, if you want to discuss this with him, telling him "he doesn't have to reply" might not be the best way to set it up. I'd say he's probably petrified that whatever he does will be wrong. So when he reads "you don't have to reply" he's more than likely thinking "I need to give her some space". He can't be expected to guess.

As I say, just putting another perspective on it.

I'm sorry to hear this has bought it all back.

So 7 years.
You aren't living together.
You have no DC?
He shows your no compassion or sympathy
Doesn't message your for more than 2 days when you've poured your heart out to him.
Why are you still with him?

Oh just seen that it's 7 years. And you don't live together. And he ignores you for days. Doesn't sound like much of a relationship to me.