Sorry if this is a long post but I really need the help to cope with this.
My husband left 4 months ago. He said because I'd looked after our autistic son each night as I'd had to sleep in his room (he won't sleep alone in a room. It's common with autistic and anxious children) that he didnt love me anymore and I was more like a sister or a roommate. I did what was best for our son and thought he was ok with this. We were all ready to move to Scotland where he's from to be near his parents and some family as it would be nice for our son as I have no family here anymore. He said he'd gone online to look for an old ex from 16 years ago as he needed someone to talk to and it just happened it was one of those mad things. And they'd been messaging and speaking on the phone when they could. And where does she live but Scotland where we were all meant to be going. He wanted me to still move and share a house with him (only share nothing else) so that our son would be there and he said she was ok with this. I was gobsmacked at that as well as shellshocked from the I don't love you anymore. Well I wasn't doing that and I said so. He said he was going to be with her whether I liked it or not. We'd been due to go to Scotland to look at some houses and go to his dad's 80th birthday party. He went to that party and took her. What he must have told his family about the situation I don't know. Either we hadn't been together as a couple for a while and I was ok with it or more likely that he wasn't happy, I'd treated him badly and it's all poor poor him. He has turned into someone I don't know. He's blaming me for it all saying I didn't do anything around the house and he did it all, I wouldn't let him go anywhere, everything had to be my way, I treated him badly. None of this is true. He said he didn't know anyone here,he was bored at home and needed to do something and get a job. (when he lost his job 5 years ago he decided to be our sons registered carer instead of working. No one ever stopped him looking for a job at anytime). He's now in Scotland with her. He chose to leave our son and give up his responsibilites and help with raising him and supporting him as he'll never be independent. He's also taken the car I'd not long bought for our son to get about in comfortably and to take him to visit places. My son also has hypermobility so his ankles and feet hurt if he walks to much. He's now using that for him and her and her family and grandchildren while our son goes without. He's ripped everything away and all the happiness of our little family. My son suffers and it's awful to see what he's going through. His dad doesn't seem to care at all. He has no shame or guilt or conscience as far as I can see or he hides it well but I wouldn't think he has any at all. He sends messages to our son sometimes which aren't aimed at a child. One said I'm sorry I'm not there to see you grow but one day I will tell you why and you'll understand. Or I don't love your mum anymore so can't live with you. Then claims to miss him. He said to me when I said you should be here for him that even if I lives back there I wouldn't be living with him as that would mean having to live with you and that's not happening. What he means is he's not giving up this woman and he's so wrapped up in her and how happy they are and his new perfect life. I just feel so devasted, cold and empty and lonely. There's only me and my son here. It feels like everything has been taken away from us and all the memories of what we had and should of had hurt so much. How can a man and a father be so cruel