I am 28 and have a 17 mo DS. Have been with my OH for 4 years. He is in his 30s and was living with his mum before moving in with me.
I'm worried that he had got some emotionally abusive tenancies. It's just little things that I've really only just begun seeing. The way he acts, how he makes me feel about myself. Makes jokes at my expense if we are out with friends. Never makes effort with my friends yet I make effort with his. I've not gone to birthdays or weddings of my friends or had to go alone. Even family things. I always make excuses, he's shy, he gets nervous... But he's fine with his friends and family. He always makes snide comments or sarcastic comments. But I say that's just his sense of humour. I've lost contact with a few close friends because they don't like how he treats me. He had strong views on topics I don't agree with (racist views, political views) which initially I overlooked but looking back should have been red flags. He calls me a terrorist sympathiser if I try and say not all of one religion or race are terrorists. He has always been strange about money (never earned much and I was always paying for everything but now he does earn more where I'm part time but he begrudges putting anything into the joint account where I put my entire wage in there). He has a temper and throws things (phone, a towel, a boot) around the room, sometimes aiming for me, if I've said something wrong. I feel like I'm on eggshells around him in case he's in a mood. He always picks what we watch on TV, I haven't watched any of my shows it feels like for years, all series I used to enjoyed I haven't seen for a long time. He makes me feel a bit bad about myself with his jokes, for example says my boobs are far apart and the nipples stare away from each other and had even made comments about how my vulva looks which are derogatory. We hardly ever have sex, and when we do he is only interested in him finishing... Not my needs. I have a high sex drive but after months of asking for sex daily and him saying no I've given up. Then he assumes I'm getting sex elsewhere! I bought some thing from Ann Summers and he said I wasn't to use it because it's basically cheating and he would rather me find 'a real cock' because at least its not a robot one???! And he even has said I should just find someone else to have sex with, which I find so so strange.
Now with our son. He's never changed a nappy or had alone time. He plays with him and watches Peppa pig of an evening after bath time. He's never done a bath or bed or morning and let me sleep. He's not really done any care at all. My son adores him.
I mentioned before Christmas I wasn't feeling happy. Since being back at my job after a year of maternity leave, it made me come to my senses and my confidence had grown. But now, I am scared I have left it too late. He is now trying... I suppose. He had been nicer. Ie not as much of a temper. But I have asked for space or a brake and he has said no as he has no where to go. I've asked to go to couples counselling and he's said no. His strategy seems to be to keep quiet and hope I forget. I'm not sure I can go back, now I've seen him the way I do. Is this normal? Does he deserve another chance? He's said I'm not even trying to Joe and I should have given him more of a warning and I am breaking up the family.
I'll also add that since being back at work I have had some male attention and it had opened my eyes to realise that I am attractive and desirable. Not that I want to act on any of the attention (a bit of flirting at work is always nice though!) but it's made me remember what it is like to speak to genuinely nice people and feel pretty. Probably a boost I really did need.
I just don't know how I can go back now I've seen him for what he is really like. :(