We are not on the same page anymore

[Flash11]

In need of some advice.

Bit of background..
Me, 33, husband 54. We have been together for just over 9 years, married for 8 months.
We have a little boy who is 3 in June. He is our miracle boy after numerous IVF's and miscarriages.
Since LO has started terrible two's (they are horrendous) my and hubby argue constantly. If we are not arguing, we are bickering. Its driving me mad.
Its pretty much about our son, mainly how we discipline him. Hubby is old school and thinks everything warrants a smack (he doesnt as i wont let him) whereas me, id rather a softer approach. Because of me and hubby now not reading off the same page, LO senses it, and its becoming obvious that we do not rule our home, he does.
I feel im failing as a mother, i worry he is going to turn out to be a wrong un' because of my failings of bringing him up.
Im so unhappy that me and my husband argue almost everyday or i am on his case everyday. We used to get on, have a laugh... i feel like we got lost the day we started IVF when the focus came off us and onto having our son.
I know my husband is miserable too

Hi OP. Have you looked on Amazon for parenting books? I'm sure you'll get loads of really useful advice on here tbh but it might be something you can download asap and get started straight away? You can google the authors credentials and look at the reviews too?

There’s an age gap very similar between me and my partner so strangely it made me feel I could identify with you. We don’t have any children though but at the moment we are not connecting at all and I actually feel quite lonely and disconnected from him. I wants to be taken on dates and dinners and enjoy the flirting (like we used to a year ago) and he wants to be at the pub with his mates every night. Something changed and he turned into an old man who wants to be propped up the bar with a beer. We are polar opposites at the moment. Have you ever felt the age difference poses a problem? Is your fella approachable so you can discuss your concerns? I’ve tried to bring up my issues so often I don’t feel I can anymore as each time I do it pushes him away.

Yes, i think the age gap is causing the problem, but only where my son is concerned. Before my son, we really did get on well. We would go out together, always giggling together.
But now, all we do is argue. We can barely get through a day without bickering or arguing. Mainly about childcare, money or disciplining. I mean, we literally see each other for 90 mins a day (monday to friday) and still can manage to argue in that time.
Its getting me down x

Sounds like us back in the day
No age gap but we just didnt see eye to eye for a while. No smacking but DH was firmer than me. LOs definitely picked up.om it and played us off each other. We started doing alternate nights ie he would stay out til 730 one night then me the next and we would take turns putting them to bed on our own. Did this for about 2 months And it saved my sanity until things calmed down. Not for everyone but it worked for us.

Maybe one afternoon you could sit down and have a 'meeting' like you are a new school/nursery development behaviour management policies.

Create examples and write down the course of action. Eg. Toddler refuses to brush teeth - verbal warning. Behaviour continues - 2 mins on naughty step.. etc.

Then you'll be singing off the same hymn sheet?

The HV suggested a parent course in how to read your childs emotions so would like to give that a go. To be honest, hubby doesnt listen. He is so stuck in the times when he had his children the 1st time round, when smacking wasnt so taboo and happened in alot more households. But ive made is clear on countless occasions its not what i want.
DS was naughty in M&S the other day, and hubby had a hissy fit. It was very embarrassing and felt like i had 2 children.
I feel like a shit mum. These arguments are getting way too frequent and in front of my son.
Seems like hubby is happy to plod along, in denial that we are in trouble