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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Violence

16 replies

Iloverupertp · 29/01/2018 18:15

my partner got so drunk on sat we ended up arguing which resulted in him pushing me to the ground.
He also refused to let me leave his home.this has resulted in me now having bruised arm/wrists and bruised coccyx.
He has absolutely no recollection of this and is mortified.
We usually have a pretty good relationship though argue a lot due to other things(his lack of money is the biggest cause)
We have lots of fun too and have been together 2 years
I've ended it and feel ashamed as this has happened once before under the same circumstances
I do love him and want to forgive but I know I can't/should
Has anyone gone back in this situation ?
Please don't judge me.im just looking for anyone who has been in this situation

OP posts:
Ickyockycocky · 29/01/2018 18:17

You've done exactly the right thing by ending it. Stay strong and look after yourself. Flowers

Original poster
Iloverupertp · 29/01/2018 18:34

my partner got so drunk on sat we ended up arguing which resulted in him pushing me to the ground.
He also refused to let me leave his home.this has resulted in me now having bruised arm/wrists and bruised coccyx.
He has absolutely no recollection of this and is mortified.
We usually have a pretty good relationship though argue a lot due to other things(his lack of money is the biggest cause)
We have lots of fun too and have been together 2 years
I've ended it and feel ashamed as this has happened once before under the same circumstances
I do love him and want to forgive but I know I can't/should
Has anyone gone back in this situation ?
Please don't judge me.im just looking for anyone who has been in this situation

OP posts:
Stickaforkinimdone · 29/01/2018 18:54

You know you've done the right thing, and you know you can't go back.
Good luck OP; it's shit that this has happened to you twice

whateveryouknow · 29/01/2018 19:00

Once a mistake, twice confirms the fact that he has a violent side. This will happen again and again if you keep going back. You've done the right thing OP. 👍

picklemepopcorn · 29/01/2018 19:08

It was ok to go back once, if you wanted to. Twice would be foolhardy.

category12 · 29/01/2018 19:11

Plenty of women go back and go back and go back. You've only been together 2 years, don't make it more.

Angelf1sh · 29/01/2018 19:13

He’s obviously not that mortified by his behaviour if he allowed it to happen again. I’m calling bullshit on he didn’t know what he was doing. If he was genuinely horrified by what he did, he’d not get that drunk again. He knows what he did. He knows he got away with it before. If you tell him he can get away with it twice then he knows that he no longer needs to pretend it was out of character. Don’t go back unless you want it to happen a third time, because it will. And a fourth and a fifth and a sixth...

PoorYorick · 29/01/2018 19:27

Drunk people know what they're doing, they just don't care.

Original poster
Iloverupertp · 29/01/2018 19:27

Thanks for the replies
I know I need to stay strong and not cave in by calling/texting him
The other problem is he owes me a lot of money which I know he'll pay back,but realistically it will be max £50/month as he is always skint
What a bloody mess
Haven't told anyone yet as trying to digest it all
I'm such a fool

OP posts:
category12 · 29/01/2018 19:36

Chalk it up to experience is my advice - if you stay in contact over the money, he'll likely use it as a way to worm back in.

Lulu182 · 29/01/2018 19:44

I'm sorry you've experienced this. I hope your ok. As the other posters say. Please, please do not get back together. This wasn't your fault and you have nothing to feel ashamed about, just don't allow him another opportunity to do it again

Original poster
Iloverupertp · 29/01/2018 20:00

It's a lot of money category 12-which I need
Can't believe how naive I've been
I left a controlling marriage and thought in this relationship I was in control
It's the exact opposite.why do men always let you down?i think I need to be single for a very long time

OP posts:
category12 · 29/01/2018 20:03

You've already lost it - you're saying you might get it back at £50 a month. Hmm

category12 · 29/01/2018 20:04

Look into doing the Freedom programme.

butterfly56 · 29/01/2018 20:28

I agree about the being single.
Give yourself a lot of time to recover from both relationships.
Treat yourself well and put yourself first...always.
There is nothing better than closing your own front door and feeling safe and secure behind it with peace of mind. Flowers

user1493413286 · 29/01/2018 20:31

You’ve done the right thing; my ex started being violent when he was drunk and slowly it started when he was sober too. I wish I’d got out earlier.
You can always take him to small claims court for the money but your safety is worth more than any amount of money

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