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Original poster

Online Dating

16 replies

naturelover9 · 29/01/2018 17:32

Hello,

When do you finally decide enough is enough and call it a day permanently with online dating?

I have found i have got on well with someone online but when i have met someone in person we just don't 'click'.

Fed up with it all. Anyone else feel the same?

OP posts:
ThirdTimeUnlucky · 29/01/2018 18:38

Hi,!
You may have to do a lot of dating before you meet someone you click with. Depends how much you actually want it. Keep going!
I had loads of duff dates and then met several that I clicked with and that's just as frustrating - how to choose! Lol.
How long have you been OLD?
x

Pavonia · 29/01/2018 18:38

naturelover I take breaks by hiding or deleting my profile when I feel it's messing with my head too much. I can imagine that there might come a time when I just decide to stop permanently and focus on me, the things I enjoy doing, and my family and friends, but I'm not there yet.

My preference is to meet up with people quite quickly but my main problem is that for the most part the men I meet are nice and sometimes we have a lot in common, but there isn't any mutual romantic attraction.

How old are you and how long have you been doing OLD? I've only been doing it for about a year.

Have you considered other options such as speed dating or meet-up groups.

LesisMiserable · 29/01/2018 19:01

The elusive spark is so rare, and that's why it's so prized isn't it. I think back in the day when you met someone when you were out clubbing when you'd had a couple of wines the spark was a lot easier to find because beer goggles and loss of inhibition are a wonderful thing..... but in the cold light of day it's either there or it isn't. I hit lucky and married my first tinder date, but if love and lust at first sight was common they'd be no dating apps..please don't give up dating, give up online by all means but keep open to opportunity, you never know when it might come knocking 😊.

Original poster
naturelover9 · 29/01/2018 19:11

@ ThirdTimeUnlucky I have been doing online dating on and off for about 5 years so quite a while! Mainly POF and OK cupid.

@ Pavonia I am 34. I have made a Meetup account and have attended one event which i did enjoy. There are not many Meetups in my area.

This may seem a silly question but should you state your looking for a relationship on a dating site? Because some of my friends said by 'looking' you wont find it and will only attract the sort of people who are unsuitable.

OP posts:
Original poster
naturelover9 · 29/01/2018 19:14

@LesisMiserable Oh no i don't plan on giving up dating. I just hope online dating isn't going to be the main way of meeting new people.

OP posts:
Pavonia · 29/01/2018 19:21

All I can suggest is keeping busy with sociable activities. Say yes to invitations, join clubs, take up hobbies, start your own meetup group. At the end of the day OLD is a way of meeting people that you wouldn't otherwise run into, but it is a rather artificial way of finding love!

Original poster
naturelover9 · 29/01/2018 19:25

@Pavonia thank you for your suggestions. They have been really helpful.

OP posts:
MsP0b · 29/01/2018 19:33

Persevere! Take breaks when tired or disillusioned with OLD but persevere!

Probably took me a total of 4 years ish of OLD to meet the right person but I'm soooooo glad I kept going.

It will be worth it. And if you meet someone via one of the old fashioned ways in the meantime, that's just wonderful too.

Keep going! X

MsP0b · 29/01/2018 19:33

Persevere! Take breaks when tired or disillusioned with OLD but persevere!

Probably took me a total of 4 years ish of OLD to meet the right person but I'm soooooo glad I kept going.

It will be worth it. And if you meet someone via one of the old fashioned ways in the meantime, that's just wonderful too.

Keep going! X

Original poster
naturelover9 · 29/01/2018 19:40

Thanks Msp0b. Can i ask what site did you use? x

OP posts:
MsP0b · 29/01/2018 21:06

I used match.com years ago, and PoF and Tinder 3 years ago or so. Met DP and father of child on Tinder! But this was a few years ago, friends still OLD tell me Bumble is where it's at nowadays X

Beentherelefthimgotthetshirt · 29/01/2018 22:28

Stick with OLD but do it differently. I couldn't do much more than three or four weeks without hiding my profile and taking a break then I'd wade back in. Filter filter filter. Set your filters to dodge the dross and keep your standards and stick to them. After a while I didn't give anyone the benefit of the doubt as there are too many time wasters with excuses so if a good one gets missed then tough. Chat to several guys at once, don't put all your eggs in one basket. There are good guys on line (I have one) but there's more dross and your job is to spend as little time on the dross as possible - practice makes perfect. Understand what makes YOU bond, drawn to someone etc and when you sense it happening don't think "oh this IT. He's THE one" instead slow it down, control it and give him time to prove he's a good 'un or a twat. If a guy comes on strong at the beginning with "you're the one for me", "I want to be with you for ever", "I love you" then he's a love bomber so walk on by. All the time your head is full of Mr Unsuitable you have no room for a decent man.

Don't chat without meeting for longer than a week otherwise you're falling for the fiction he's writing and the photos he's chosen so meet quickly. This also helps you with being able to chat to others as you don't over-invest in one guy.

Do put that you're looking for a relationship. That's bullshit advice from your friends. If you put 'dating' then a nice guy looking for a relationship might overlook you thinking you just want a one night stand or something casual. If a guy has put that he's looking for a relationship don't take it at face value but ask what he's looking for when you meet. The players usually push you into sexting pretty fast so you'll know soon enough!

As for real life meets I've had two relationships from RL and both guys were flaky so don't dismiss OLD and think a real life meet is 'better quality'.

As a good friend advised me when I first left my husband say yes to the opening of a paper bag! And smile. There's nothing lovelier and more approachable than a smile. Meet Up is great and if you like walking there are rambling groups and meet up groups. If you're feeling adventurous do a Meet Up weekend away so it doesn't matter if the group is based in London - people come from other areas.

Sorry if you know all of this but don't give up. Get business-like to find a good 'un and THEN get romantic!

OrangeCrush19 · 29/01/2018 22:54

beenthere - I need your post on a t-shirt Grin

Beentherelefthimgotthetshirt · 29/01/2018 23:02

Orange you'll need a lot of t-shirt Grin

Original poster
naturelover9 · 01/02/2018 16:58

Thanks for Pavonia for that article. I have just joined Meetup.com and am going to ditch online dating. It isn't for me at all and its just all about looks at the end of the day. I currently have alopecia so i don't like my appearance much at the moment and i am very self conscious. Makes dating very hard :-(

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