General Whinge

[PineapplePrincess]

Feeling sorry for myself. Down with the flu and have been in bed for now three days, with no sign of let up. Headache, sore throat, nausea, chills/sweats and aching bones. Can’t seem to move without being in some form of pain.

DH has had to look after DS, over the weekend, which I do really appreciate. However DH has an awful bedside manner. He doesn’t ask how I’m feeling, spend any time with me (just leaves me permanently alone), doesn’t offer to bring drinks or food - and when I do ask for something, he gets annoyed at me as if I’m being really unreasonable.

If DS is sick, he’s really attentive - nothing is too much trouble.

Today DS is at nursery. DH off work, and he hasn’t checked in on me all morning. If I had the energy I would go downstairs and get a drink, but I literally can’t move and I’m so thirsty.

This is not the first time he’s been like this. Last year I suffered a miscarriage and again was pretty bedridden. Asked DH to pick up painkillers repeatedly, but he always found an excuse not to. Ended up in hospital for a week on liquid morphine as the pain got so out of control. That week (as traumatic as it was) was such a relief. They managed my meds, were supportive and sympathetic, brought food and drinks. It was such a welcome change.

I know I’m having a moan. Just wondering if everyone else’s other halves are as useless as mine?

Is it too much to ask of a hug when you feel like sh!t...?

I hope you feel better soon.

You have serious problems here re your H. Your so called DH is more than simply useless, he is both uncaring and selfish. His overall lack of respect for you is apparent. What was his reaction when you ended up in hospital for a week?.

What is he like towards you when you are well?. Is he the sort of a man you would like your son to look up to?. Who is going to collect your DS from nursery today?.

It doesn't sound like he cares about you at all

Thinking of you. I’ve just got over the flu myself, it’s truest horrendous. I’m a single mum, so had no one to help, but the thought that you have someone there who would be perfectly able to look after you has given me the rage on your behalf! Is he normally so selfish?!

Truly not truest

Jeez, he sounds horrendous. Uncaring and selfish. Has he always been like this? If so, how on earth have you tolerated someone who clearly doesn't give a shit about you?

Wishing you a speedy recovery and perhaps once you're better you can give some thought to your relationship.

He cared so little you ended up in hospital

Read that back to yourself and seriously think about it

The guy sounds like a complete arsehole and you should get rid of him for this and other reasons.

(But are you really as ill as you say given you are sending messages on Mumsnet?)

He’s a wanker. Being ill sometimes is a part of life and you should be able to rely on your partner to support you when you need it.

Fuck him.

A person who loves you would want to look after you.

You don't have to appreciate him looking after HIS OWN CHILD!!

When you do see him give him a big kiss. Hopefully you will pass on the germs. Then you can ignore him also.

He’s actually a really good guy, in most other ways. Just when it comes to illness he seems less tolerant.

If DS is unwell, it’s a completely different matter. He would do anything; he’s stayed awake all night cradling him on more than one occasion. He rushes him to the doctor at the slightest (and I mean slightest thing - we’ve had arguments about it); I’m fairly sure the doctor thinks he’s a hypochondriac.

When it’s me, it’s like he doesn’t believe I’m unwell. He’ll tell me to go to the doctors, but I was brought up that you only go if you’re really unwell. So for colds and flus, it’s just a matter of time to recover, no point in annoying a doctor. I think, he thinks that because I don’t go rushing to the doctor I’m not ‘that’ sick and won’t extend any sympathy or support.

You had a miscarriage and ended up in hospital for nearly a month
Maybe you downplayed it too. But seriously

You need to talk about this with him. This is beyond not good.
You know he Can care, he demonstrates it with his dc

But why would he not believe you are that ill? I just don’t understand, especially if he is good with DC etc. Surely it should just be a case of you saying..... I feel unwell and like shit.... and him saying how can I help, what do you need.
Out of interest happens when he is sick?
So hope you are ok and better soon.

When he’s sick he tends to take himself off to bed and act a bit like a martyr. Doesn’t really take his own advice of going to the doctors. I would generally pop my head around the door, check that he’s okay and ask if he needs anything. Even if he say he doesn’t, I would probably bring him a cup of tea and some toast.

I don’t understand it really. I don’t even know how to talk to him about it, as I don’t think he sees what he’s doing as inappropriate and will probably get defensive; likely end in a big argument.

I put his behaviour re the miscarraige down to his mixed emotions at the time. He kept saying he pick up painkillers on the way to pick our DS up from nursery or drop him off; but kept forgetting. I had some painkillers in the house so wasn’t a big deal at first; but then pain continued until it was unbearable. I do think he got a fright when I was admitted to hospital and ended up in surgery.

Don't talk to him about it because it would cause an argument? Yes because then the problem is solved.

He's not giving you any basic care and attention. If my housemate was sick then I'd see if she wanted a tea and go get her some cold or flu stuff. Basic. He's not even giving you the consideration I'd give a friend, never mind a boyfriend. He's selfish.

Not getting you the painkillers is pretty unforgivable too. Again, selfish.

I can kind of relate to this. Dh is very caring and my best friend but when I get I'll (rarely) he acts like he doesn't believe me.

He will bring me drinks and food though and check occasionally on me. But he does turn cold and acts as if I am always exaggerating.

He didn’t get a fright because he is still doing it

Someone wrote on here - Judge a man by the way he treats you when you are ill.
Well now you know all you need to know about this selfish git.
Send him a text asking him to bring you up a cuppa.
See how long it takes him.
And once you've had some more responses - send him a link to this thread.
This is NOT OK!