competitive friend

[200thousand]

Really struggling with a friend who is uber competitive about pretty much everything

1. child development / what her kid can do vs mine (often quietly boasting but I try to keep quiet about my little one to avoid competition)
2. looks / attractiveness
3. money (prying into my financial situation which I've been too shocked and put on the spot not to answer some of, although I have tried to keep my answers reasonably vague)
4. friendships
5. her house & car is better than mine
6. how her brother is paying for her to have an amazing holiday (vs my camping one!) etc

etc etc

None of this is done in an overt manner, I don't think half the time she realises she is doing it but it's passive aggressive or even just unthinking / unaware. Also there are stealth boasts and prying e.g. moaning and moaning about something only to bring up some incongruous detail that implies how much better her life is than mine.

I can't quite believe someone would have the front to ask me some of the things she does e.g. about my financial situation, how much I earn, how much I have in savings, etc...

Our lives are quite different - I have a lot less time than she does, less support, more stress etc but in other ways I am doing quite well so I can see why she might compare or whatever.

I'm just really bothered by it. I always leave it feeling down about myself...

She's implicated in my social circle and I find it hard to avoid her. I have quite a limited friendship group.

It's really grating now, especially the very subtle passive aggressive comments. I feel down on myself enough already. I can be a bit paranoid, but I've recently come out of some long term MH issues so am building up my self confidence.

I'm not interested in the slightest in being in competition either!

how shall I deal with it? I can't avoid her due to my limited social circle...

When she says all these things and asks intrusive questions how do you respond ? X

I used to work with a woman like this. She was like it with everyone. Really nosey, instrusive questions.

I'd respond with a vague "mmm, not sure..."

How much are you on per hour? - mmm, not sure?
How much does your DH earn? - mmm, not sure.
How much do you have in your savings?- mmm, not sure
Could you afford an Audi if you really tried? - mmm, not sure.

She must of thought I was thick as shit but she stopped asking.

hi both
thanks for the responses. I definitely need to be more vague with the answers.

I haven't known her that long so I'm only just realising how competitive she is and the passive aggressiveness is coming out.

I was just a bit shocked when she asked me the questions, and some of them I answered in a semi vague manner and some I answered outright before I realised she is as competitive as she is.

I will definitely try to be more vague in the future...

I was going to suggest that - being vague is best

I'd genuinely just be like "that is so rude" if she asked me about money

Good luck!!

Vague works. Or I might just directly ask why does she want to know. If she’s genuinely doing it unconsciously then it’ll force her to recognise it and address it once she’s realised she doesn’t need to know.

I think I'd be tempted to lie but in a non chalant "money doesn't matter to us cos we've got plenty really" type of way.....

It's a bit passag but would soon stop her asking, or drive her batshit crazy....

Be vague / change the subject.

I really like the suggestion of asking her why she wants to know! Should confuse her a little!! Ha ha, would like to hear her excuses!!

Thanks guys :)

Tell her you are buying a jet ski on the weekend, then sit back and see what she does.

Could be a laugh

I'd just keep it vague
"How much do you earn/have saved?" Answer "Enough , thanks "

If she persists in getting details from you frown at her and say "Why on earth are you wanting to know so much"

Personally I’d go with the surprised look along with, ‘I’d never dream of asking you that’ response and swiftly change the subject.

I have a friend who does this. I ask "is it a competition" or "its not a competion". It might be a bit of a jump from the obviously ineffective vagueness...but that isnt working, so you need to try something new.

“Goodness, even my mother doesn’t ask me questions like that”