Meltdown

[Anniexoxo]

Hi all,

Just for background info I'm pregnant and hormonal....

So last night DP and I were talking, which turned into a heated discussion which turned into a massive argument... which turned me into a full on psycho. I couldn't stop myself, I saw red and said some pretty awful things.

Today, I'm a bit sad, he wants to talk later, but the thing is, minus the venom I meant a fair bit of what I said so I don't really think I should apologise.

Any thoughts?

Pregnancy does funny old things to you, even if it's the hormones making you brave enough to say the things you want to.

Without knowing what was said it's hard to give advice- you could always apologise for the way you went about saying the things rather than what was actually said.

@mollifly

As well as some other things I told him to go have a baby with one of his friends if they're so important to him

And

I don't know why I thought us having a baby was a good idea, he's off the hook. Feel free to go enjoy his life as he did before he met us.

And a few similar things like 'you don't care about me' etc etc

😬

So how much of it did you mean?

Mainly the it about his friends being so important to him.

Bit of background, he only seems to have female friends, and from reputation they're skanks. Is it unreasonable to want him to not be friends with them? Like for example I was on holiday the other week and he invited one to his flat to play monopoly and then got annoyed when I said that was out of order...

And the fact I always come second fiddle to his job etc... all of it minus the regretting the baby with him.

You can't decide who your partner is friends with.

If you don't trust him, then policing him isn't going to do you any good: it will drive you bonkers, and it won't keep him faithful.

If you don't feel important to him, then you can tell him that and see together what would make you feel secure.

@category12

It's not that I don't trust him, I don't trust them.
I know these girls, I know what they're like and my thoughts are 'you're only as good as the company you keep'

I'm going to have to suck it up and apologise aren't i 😪

Monopoly ?

1. you can apologise for the venom. If you want to.

2. you can’t decide who his friends are, not can you reasonably ask he stops specific friendships just because they’re women.

3. do you actually want to be with him? It doesn’t sound like it.

4. he may be intending to end it tonight.

from reputation they're skanks

Nice

How long have you been together? Wondered why you were not going on holiday as a couple?

AnyFucker Yeah, that's a total red flag, opting to play Monopoly. I'm a man with female friends and I often meet up with one of them to play Backgammon. Never anything chavvy or skanky like Monopoly.

It is about trusting him. Women can't leap on his cock while playing monopoly unless he lets them.

If you can call his friends skanks then you have some major issues. What constitutes a skank?
Have all fucked your partner before?
If so why isn’t he with one of them, if he hasn’t fucked them then what they chose to do in their private lives is non of your business and does not make them a skank.

If you don’t trust your partner, there is clearly a back story or your out of order and controlling

Only you know which one.

And you need to get yourself some help,

FFS people, if this would have been a man that came on here and said those things he would have been hung drawn and quartered by now

@ShatnersWig
Huh?
We've been on several holidays as a couple?

Annie Fine, I merely asked because the other week you were on holiday without him, which tends to happen more in an early stage of relationship rather than a long-term one. Seemed a reasonable question to me.

@ShatnersWig ah, I see. No I took my mother on a weekend away for a Christmas present

A skank by definition is a sleazy and unpleasant person, so yes I stand by my opinion that they are skanks.

Of course I love my partner and want to be with him, I was merely asking how to clear up this mess I've made without having to backtrack on the actual points I think are valid.

But if you think “feel free to go and enjoy the single life you had before me” was a valid point you don’t want to apologise for, why are you with him?

If you don’t want to apologise then just don’t apologise. It’s pretty simple.

I was fairly empathetic, until I noted that you refer to his friends as 'Skanks'.
If you define people by the company they keep, surely your DP is also a 'Skank'.
Can I ask why you chose to have a baby with a Skank?

......and by your definition, would that not make you also a Skank?

You need to work out exactly who you are angry with here, and what outcome you want to achieve.

Do you want him to ditch these female friends entirely? Is that realistic?

Do you want different boundaries around hw much time he spends with them, and under what circumstances?

Are you struggling with the change in your own life and identity, and feeling resentful that he isn't undergoing the same upheaval?

When I have a huge meltdown, it's usually because everything has melted together into a big ball of amorphous rage, and I can't separate one thing from another to deal with it all rationally.

Sort your head out before you speak to him, so you can stay calm. Apologise for the venom if you want (I wouldn't) but stick to your guns on the bits you feel are reasonable.

Wow okay you guys are really empathetic on this site...

Just FYI I've apologised. We're going to discuss things later.

No more unnecessary input required.

Calling anyone a skank is uncalled for
It’s mainly used as a derogatory term

2 North American informal A sleazy or unpleasant person.

2.1derogatory A woman who has many casual sexual encounters or relationships

Either way. You have a self problem and a DH problem
Not a skank problem

@Greensleeves

Thanks, obviously there are underlying issues and hormones don't help but you're right, going to apologise for being a psycho but rationalise my feelings.

If you said things that needed saying then don't apologise. But just seen you called his friends skanks. Nice. Still I don't really agree with men having best pals as women. Sometimes it can work but often it doesn't. And turns into an affair. Eg Charles and Camilla best pals and platonic friendship only.

If you are truly in a loving trusting partnership then it is entirely appropriate for you to ask him to stop seeing the friends that make you feel so uncomfortable. These are not life long special friends so he shouldn’t have any trouble choosing not to be with them, the fact that he isn’t happy to do this would make me doubt his commitment.

You are having a baby together it is time he started putting you both first.

You need to convey your needs in a quiet and measure fashion