Feeling overwhelmed

[duskmum]

I've recently come to realise I'm co dependant and this is the reason I can't have healthy relationships. It's beginning to make sense and I can see how I pretended that weren't the case.

I've been to a intake counselling session and now waiting on the list. Is it normal for feelings to emerge? I feel like a door has been opened and feelings have flooded In.

Are anybody else co dependant? I was thinking of attending CoDA the nearest is about 2 hours away though and i could only go every other week due to childcare.

I just really want to have healthy happy relationships. I want my DS to grow up in a happy home

Bump

Yes I'm codependent. You and me and millions of others!

Do go to CoDA if you can. Bit of a schlepp but worth it. Read all the books eg Melody Beattie.

You don't need to be full of dread and upset though - honestly, most of us have found ways to cope that weren't ultimately healthy or helpful. You've the opportunity to learn new ways that are healthy and helpful, which is great! My ancient mum is absolutely up to her neck in codependence - bcs the info we have now wasn't around in her day. We are so lucky.

Its nice to know im not alone, its only recently ive heard of co dependancy and i tick most of the boxes!

I've read women who love too much which has put alot into perspective and made me realise my pattern. I knew i picked bad men but now i realise why! I'll try to read some others too.

I'm excited to change my patterns but its also so daunting! Have you been to a CoDA meeting springy?

Yes, a lot! CoDA is based on 12 step. Go to at least 6 before you make up your mind xx

I read the website. I saw it refers to God in the 12 steps but I'm atheist. Is it more in a spiritual sense?
Thank you I think I might give it a go

Yes it's in a spiritual sense and very much does not promote a religious God (tho 12 step was devised in the 1930s when Christian religious belief was deeply woven into people's psyches). The 12 step way is to refer to the spiritual as a higher power and is very much not prescriptive about what that higher power may be to each individual.

12 step is great! I couldn't recommend it more highly.

I'm not sure if I'm going to go now. It's almost a 2 hour drive for a hour meeting. Not sure if I'm just trying to talk myself out of it though!

Yes that's a long way. Just go to one to get the hang of it? As far as I know there are a lot of 12 step meetings available through phone meetings. Have a look at the CoDA site. 12 step originated in the states where people live hours and hours from any meetings, hence phone meetings.

And yes, you will be trying to talk yourself out of it. "I'm not so bad! What's the fuss?" etc.

I went! Was good and after we sat in the cafe and spoke some more. I just wish it was closer as it's taken up most of my day

Oh bravo!

Did you get some literature? Yes it's a long way but some things are worth it. Have you had a look for phone meetings?

Well done for going

No i didnt, but i think i might order some online. It did cost alot to get there too but next time i may get the train. They have online meetings but i personally prefer face to face.

Thank you, i'm glad i did!