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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Holidays during the School Term

14 replies

StormG · 28/01/2018 23:47

Hiya, I'm new to Mumsnet but I've just had an awful few days with my partner and was hoping to see what you all think.

I've been with my partner for almost a year and he isn't the dad of my 2 little ones. He wanted to go on holiday, and for me to find a baby sitter to have my kids for 4 days while we go away. 2 of these days they are in school.

I thought it was quite unreasonable to ask my family to have them, as its a half an hour drive and they need to make 3 trips a day due to different finishing times, they also work, but he thinks they should change shifts or take time off to have them.

He has gone completely crazy over the fact I won't ask for help saying I care more about what my family think of me, than doing something to benefit our relationship. He's also decided my family are awful for not helping more.

Am I being crazy to feel this isn't very fair? My family have never been the type to go away without their kids and I knew their answer would be a definite No.

He almost broke up with me because of it so it's all been quite upsetting.

Does anyone have any thoughts on this?

OP posts:

FlexTimeCheekyFucker · 28/01/2018 23:49

My thoughts are that he's a prick and you should dump him forthwith.

PhilODox · 28/01/2018 23:51

My thoughts are- he's a tosser, and he's going to expect you to put him first in front of your children; bin him.

DontDIY · 28/01/2018 23:51

Only one: Get rid.

GreenTulips · 28/01/2018 23:54

Yep! Get rid of him.... who leaves little kids at home to swan off with a boyfriend?

A decent bloke includes the kids not excluded them

Partyfops · 28/01/2018 23:56

LTB

Original poster

StormG · 29/01/2018 00:22

It's just so out of character. He's so good with my kids. I'd said I would try and sort it because I didn't want to let him down, but I was really uncomfortable with it and regretted saying it instantly.

that was one of the things he was freaking out about saying I was a liar because I had no intention to ask anyone and hes annoyed that im willing to upset him over potentially upsetting my family by asking.

If I said to me mum to take time off, do the school run for 2 days and then drop my kids with my ex for the weekend while I go away on holiday she would tear my head off...and she would be right to.

i just thought it was so cheeky. I just don't know whats got into him.

OP posts:

shouldwestayorshouldwego · 29/01/2018 06:07

Can you ring your mother to discuss it and get her take on the situation, more in a 'this is what he is asking and it is unreasonable isn't it?' Certainly some grandparents do look after their grandchildren while the parents go away, and maybe he comes from one of those sorts of families. Then you have discussed it, answer is no and he can decide from there what he wants to do.

How old are the children? I personally haven't left mine (youngest in ks2) with anyone on school days other than dh (which shouldn't really count) and once with a close friend because one had an operation in a different city. I know people do though as I chat to the grandparents dropping off and picking up their grandchildren while the parents are off sunning themselves. Also you mention an ex so it sounds as if you do get some time off. Does the ex ever take them for more than a weekend?

I don't think that he is totally unreasonable to ask but it sounds like a clash of traditions and backgrounds which it is worth addressing now and assessing whether you want to work on the differences or not.

jellycat1 · 29/01/2018 06:09

The fact that you say 'he's gone completely crazy' over it suggests that there are deeper issues there I'm afriad. It's not at all rational or reasonable to go completely crazy over the scenario you've described.

Unsure123123 · 29/01/2018 06:11

Your boyfriend is being an idiot. You have children and with that comes a world of responsibility.

He needs to grow up.

Fairylea · 29/01/2018 06:12

He’s being awful. A year in and he behaves like this? He’s showing you his true colours. Get rid!

ApacheEchidna · 29/01/2018 06:20

How rich is he?
You could pay a nanny to do this but it would be at £10 per hour for all childcare times including sleeping hours overnight so would be £1000ish for a short break. Could he pay that?

It would be very unreasonable to ask any friend or family to do such a huge job for free obviously.

He sounds like a bit of a cock. Are you sure he's worth it?

Amilliondreams · 29/01/2018 06:24

It’s a nice idea but not very realistic is it when you are a parent with young children. He needs to get in the real world. The biggest problem is his anger over it.

TheNaze73 · 29/01/2018 08:25

Anyone who expects to be put before your children, is an utter arsehole

PipGirl404 · 29/01/2018 09:14

Playing the devils advocate here, he maybe comes from a background where grandparents help out a lot. Has he got any nieces/nephews etc? I'd be pretty upset if my parents didn't offer to help with DD when I want to go away (they do). From his side, it's maybe quite difficult for him that he's being restricted by kids that are not his own (is the bio father in the picture?) as he obviously wants to do nice things with you.

THAT BEING SAID, his anger is completely unnecessary, and he absolutely cannot expect to be put before your kids, however you're not really putting the kids first are you? You're putting your families lack of willingness to help first - maybe that's his issue?
Whatever it is, the anger is unnecessary & it's only making him look bad.

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