Trust

[Icema]

Hi all.
Posting for a very close friend. And looking for some advice as I have posted on here before and received some good advice which gave me strength to do the right thing and dump his sorry arse. My friend is worried because her boyfriend taped them in bed without her knowing. He claims he has deleted it from his phone but still fails to show her evidence of this. He has just recently lost his job and says he is feeling low but now he seems to be on a mission to get validation of everyone. Does this sound a normal thing to do as I have tried to explain to her he has exploited her. Please help me in reassuring her. It doesn't sound right. .

I'm a bit confused by your post so some extra detail might help. But....

This bit is beside the point. I'm not sure how you can show someone evidence of something you have deleted. It's either deleted and not there. Or it's still in existence. BUT. He absolutely should not have filmed her without her consent in the first place. That's a violation of trust. It's creepy. Nope not normal.

He is after validation and is depressed? Some people are confident. Some aren't. If he's using that to manipulate her. Nope. Not normal.

I think she needs to go to the police. If he hasn't done it already, it might be the thing that scares him enough so that he doesn't go showing his mates or posting it on line, because there's no way he's deleted it.

My point being he has only told her he has deleted it. He hasn't actually got his phone and let her see its deleted. She's just going on what he is saying. I told her on numerous occasions that he has broken her trust and if there is no trust in a relationship it won't work. And if she is showing him love and understanding and support. Why the need to go out and seek validation from others. To me it would appear that what ever she does will never be good enough.

You're her friend. You know her and you know this is wrong. All you can do is tell her what you've told us and hope she sees sense. My close friend is still in an abusive and damaging relationship, with multiple infidelities on his side, lasting for 8 years now. I've been telling her to get out for most of those 8 years. I started with hints, i ended up saying i thought he was a nasty bastard and she should leave him before he destroys her. She agreed he was bad news. But she stayed and i cant make her. My job now is to be there for her and offer her a safe place to go if and when she needs it.

Tell your friend. She'll believe you over some random people on the internet if she's going to believe anyone. But your instincts are right. This guy does not sound like the kind I would want to be with. Or anyone i cared about to be with.

Wow - what a violation.
If he won't show her proof that he's deleted the video then she needs to get in contact with the police.
Or at least tell him that that is what she is doing unless he shows her proper proof.
And that is it's deleted and then deleted from the deleted file!!!
It's a 2 stage thing.
And could even be a 3 stage process as it could be still be in his 'cloud'
But get her to call 101 and ask for their advice on this.
What he did is totally illegal.
She really needs to dump his vile, sorry arse.