Friend/colleague having an affair with a married man and they all work together...

[Newbieuser1880]

Ok so when I say affair they have not had sex but in my book I still class texting, kissing etc as an affair.

I’ll try and summarise. Husband, wife and colleague all work in a 90 staff department. I’m friendly with this girl and found her having a kind of panic attack one day. Took her off and she revealed she had been texting the guy and the wife had found the messages at the weekend. Husband and wife married in the last 12 months and have a pre school aged child. Wife wants more children.

Husband has told wife he will cut contact but this hasn’t happen. The other girl and him message. They think they will be together but he’s having his cake and eating it? Shall I have a strong word with her next time she brings it up? I like the wife and feel sorry for her and I don’t want to be involved however if the girl mentions it again I want to speak my mind and tell her she needs to grow up and stop messaging him etc.

I'd keep out of it entirely.

If she tries to discuss it with you tell her you do not want to know anything about it or discuss it with her.

Stay out of it, it's not your business.

I know I totoally agree and have tried. She’ll often get upset like i’ll See her in the toilets. That’s what has sucked me in. I’m concerned for the careers as well they are all fairly senior.

If she brings it up or when I will say that no good will come for the situation and I don’t want to longer know anything else.

I only found out as I found her in that state that day.

I’m concerned for the careers as well they are all fairly senior

Why are you concerned?! .

If you see her crying in the toilets, just say hi, smile, go to the loo and then go. Don't get sucked in.

More the husband and wife really if this got out. I’ll ignore the girl and just say I cannot get into a discussion on it.

I certainly wouldn't be concerned for the husbands career, he's a prize twat.

Yeah I know you’re right. I’m an idiot for listening and angry with myself. I’m disgusted at it all and I struggle now when having to deal with him in the work environment, i’m obviously professional but inside I have no respect for him.

If you see her crying in the toilets, just say hi, smile, go to the loo and then go. Don't get sucked in.

^^ thats really quite mean @formerbabe - smile while someone is crying, say hi, then leave, when you know this person?! Wow.

OP - i would stay out of it, you've advised, she knows what to do. There only so much you can do. Be a listening ear if you want, but its now up to her what to do with this whole mess.

Tough shit if you see her upset. She's a grown adult. Don't take sides.

Keep out of it completely and tell her you don't want to know.

thats really quite mean @formerbabe - smile while someone is crying, say hi, then leave, when you know this person?! Wow

The alternative is to engage with her and be dragged into a pointless discussion. I have a low tolerance anyway for crying in the toilet episodes at work.