Narcissistic Behaviour

[ConfusedButInLove]

This is more of a question I suppose.

My Mil is a total narcissist.
She revels in being told how wonderful she and her family are. How smart they are. She is never wrong.
She laughed when I miscarried her grandchild,said she wasn't sorry we lost it and then played victim say it I blamed her for my miscarriage and turned dps family against me.
Anyways I see so many post I can relate to on here about the emotional blackmail, the alienation etc. It's always the same process.
I have never met anyone like this in my life so it's very confusing.

My question is do these people actually believe this own lies and they genuinlty believe they are in the right and always the victim. OR do they know exactly what they are doing and target you because you are deemed a threat?

Its a combination. And its complex as no two people are the same but from my own experience of the type, I'd suggest most of it is to do with creating drama and from this drama they achieve the high levels of attention that they crave.
I've also noticed that if you don't react to their drama/attention seeking by changing the subject or maintaining a brutal silence...that gives you a much needed balance and time to think or just breathe in interactions with them. When they don't receive the expected reaction from you, which often is one of defending yourself against attack from them, it throws them completely.
This type of person is a negative, difficult manipulator and you really have to detach and see them for what they truly are : sad, hollow, emotionally challenged desperately unhappy people. Disengage and go low contact and practice verbal disengagement so you're not left feeling horrible after a session with this type.

I think they are totally deluded and believe their stories no matter how illogical they are.

For a time I was heavily involved as a character in some of the stories. People believed I was seriously ill. When I tried to correct the stories and deny ever having the medical issue I was supposed to have I was told I didn't remember properly. I think I would know!

I think there is a total lack of self awareness.

Creating a world that gives her centre stage is her coping mechanism. My exMIL was a grade A one of these. I made her feel very inadequate( in her own mind - I was always polite and considerate) so she made her mission to end my marriage. It took her 15 years but she did it.

I hear that she is now sick, unhappy and full of hate against me, blaming me for every ill that has befallen her family. Untrue but it helps her cope in some perverse way.

I'm afraid I have ceased to care about her at all.

I have cut all contact and ignored abusive messages. Not had any in a while now and my dp now sees her for what she is. It just fails me how many people actually face this. There are so many stories on mn I could relate to about. Why do people think it's acceptable to behave like this. It's crazy.
She is adamant she is right. And everyone supports her even when you have proof of what she has done.
Just wondered if they genuinlty believe their own lies

Narcissism is a personality disorder. A particularly unpleasant one at that. Having been on the receiving end of a narcissist for 10 years I think at times they do believe their lies. I actually asked my ex husband this very question and he says that sometimes he gets confused between reality and the lies he’s made up so he does believe them yes. You’ve done the right thing.. worst thing you can do to a narc is ignore them!

She laughed when I miscarried her grandchild,said she wasn't sorry we lost it

This one sentence was enough to show me your MIL lacks any human empathy. Cut her out of your life.

Highinthesky she done many thunhs but thay was the last straw, we no longer have contact with her. Such a shame as her husband is lovely but he supports her in her lies. She seem to genuinly believe her lies which is tge part that puzzels me completely.

her husband is lovely but he supports her in her lies
They always do OP, it's a necessary and enabling part of the disorder. They know what they are doing but just don't care enough to stop, and can therefore be popped into the same category AFAIC.

they (the narcs)are totally deluded and believe their stories no matter how illogical they are

They have to believe it otherwise their world crashes and they then unleash the flying monkeys/have a major health event/threaten suicide.

Don't ever doubt that NC is the right way to have gone.

"even when you have proof of what she has done"

I think that enablers are so frightened of what will happen to them if they see the person for what they are, that the fear prompts them to delude themselves too.

After all, that usually comes up in the context of a conflict - however small - with a third party. So the enabler is vividly aware of the loathing and viciousness that will come their way if they step out of line, because it's being directed at someone else right now.

I understand that, but, possibly because I've only ever been the third party, I still lose respect for them. Even though they are, in a way, victims too. They still throw innocent people under the bus to reap whatever rewards they find in the relationship, so that's that.