Getting ducks in a row

[StarlightSparkle]

When people advise others to ‘get their ducks in a row’ before leaving their husband, what does this mean? What sort of things should I be doing financially to protect myself? I’m still reeling from discovering my H’s affair and haven’t decided whether to leave him or not, but I’m very worried about my financial situation if I do. We don’t have a joint bank account. Any advice would be greatly welcomed.

Never been in this situation, but from what I remember of other threads... copies of as many financial documents - banks, mortgage statements, pensions etc as possible for divorce proceedings.

For you, make sure you have all your own docs also. Work out a plan - where are you going? What can you afford? For how long etc.

Someone with much more experience will be along soon.

Depending on how long you have before you go, work out a plan - if you are leaving, you will need somewhere to go to, be that short term with friends/family or longer term renting / buying somewhere.

Find out what help you can get re benefits etc even if only short term.

Get passports, birth certificates and marriage certificate somewhere safe. Oh and copies of wills. Think about a new one for you.

If you think you are going to need to leave in a hurry, pack a bag of clothes / toiletries / toys etc and leave with a trusted friend.

Start saving a bit of money somewhere so you can easily access it. Depending on how your husband is about money, an easy-ish way to keep it under the radar is to do shopping and get cash-back so it doesn't show as big chunks of cash out.

Good luck OP

Thank both, that is really helpful. I’ve got copies of some things, like mortgage statement and pensions but as we don’t have a joint bank account I don’t know how much he has in current / savings account and he doesn’t get paper statements. I don’t see how I could find that out really without asking.

I don’t want to leave the house (have 2 DC), I want him to leave but I don’t know how that would work seeing as I couldn’t afford the mortgage, etc on my own. I feel like I’ve been really naive financially as he is a high earner, with good pension, etc so I’ve neglected my own pension and career assuming my future was with him and it was all sorted but how wrong I was

I’m going to make an appointment with a solicitor so hopefully they will be able to give me some good advice.

I spent a long time dithering about getting my duck in a row. I isn't really know what to do or where to start.

I found that making a start on the process of ending the marriage allowed me to more clearly see what I needed to do. The steps kind of fell into place.

But simple stuff like making copies of paperwork is a great start. having your own finances and seeing a solicitor. Once that is done you can start the actual process of asking him to leave

OP I forgot one of the most important things - you need a SHL - shit hot lawyer.

If he is a high earner with a decent pension and you are married then you are entitled to a share of his pension and a decent maintenance which may enable you to stay in the house.

Your solicitor will probably request that you both fill in Form E which is a financial disclosure form.

Thanks to that l found out that STBX had a huge pension compared to mine as l have been PT for years. This has enabled me to offset the house against it so l take on the remaining mortgage myself and lengthen it back out till l'm 68yrs

Birth certificates, passports, any documents, that involve you, plus your personal things. Crack on Starlight, hope all goes well, we're always here for you.🌸