Would you consider starting a long distance relationship?

[Namila]

Hi all, I'd love to hear some opinions about a situation I am currently dealing with. Any comments is greatly appreciated!

A few years ago I met this guy while living overseas. At the time I was in a LTR so absolutely nothing happened, but we clearly had a great connection and we stayed in touch through social media.

A couple of months ago he reached out to say hi and this time we were both single. He just moved back to his native Switzerland from the US and I live in London. He is looking for a job in Europe, either in Switzerland or perhaps in London.

After reconnecting online we started chatting regularly and finally he came to London to visit me last weekend. Honestly, it was pretty great. We spent the whole weekend together. He told me that when we met the first time he felt we had this special connection and that for a while he could not get me out of his head.

He says that he is now at a point where he'd like to find a stable relationship and settle down, which is partially why he decided to move back to Europe from the US as be could not see himself there long term. For context, he is 33 and I am 29.

He'd like to keep spendig time with me and to see where this will lead us. We agreed to meet up again in a couple of weeks.

I am really excited about what is happening between us and honestly my gut tells me it is good. However, I am also a bit concerned about potentially starting a long distance relationship. I have been in a LDR before and I know it can be very hard. There is a possibility he'll get a job in London, but I think Switzerland is more likely.

I know at the moment we have yet to start any real relationships so it is early to start worrying and this could fizzle out before it takes off. However, I feel like I need to get my thoughts in order so if I decide a LDR is a no-go for me, I end it before I get even more entangled.

What would you do? Would you consider starting a LDR given the context? Or would you just kill it now before it hurts more?

Thank you!

Anyone..?

You both feel a connection, you both are excited, you both feel in your gut this is a good thing. Honestly, I think you’d be nuts to not give the relationship a go.

LDRs are easier than ever, with modern technology and cheap flights etc. Being in London, you have the best transport links. If it’s meant to be, it will be.

My marriage started as a LDR and honestly, there was never any question of whether to make it work - it just worked.

Good luck

I don’t think Switzerland is that long distance. You could easily see each other every weekend.
Something that was more than a two hour flight I’d have to think long and hard about.
When I met my husband, we lived 25 miles away so only saw each other at weekends so no different to that really.

Would I consider starting a long distance relationship?

Nah, probably not, sounds like a hassle.

Should you? Maybe. If you feel like it. But give yourself permission to decide that it's too much of a hassle if it turns out to be. Don't put too much pressure on it "working".

MissSinger aaaaawww so nice to hear your story!! Very inspiring

Dowser I suppose you are right, seeing each other fairly often should not be too big a problem. I guess it is more the idea of a LDR that I find scary, rather than the reality of it!

Trills you make a very good point. Taking it really slow and reassessing regularly whether it is working for me or not is probably the best way forward

Go for it. My story is similar to yours but a longer distance and it still worked. If it's meant to be the distance won't be a problem. What are planes, social media and telephones for. :-) I wish you great joy!

When he says let’s ‘see what happens’, would he consider changing his life? Or would it be you making the changes if this was to go anywhere?

I started a LDR last year. We are dealing with 3000 plus miles and less frequent meet ups than you can do (currently every 7/8 weeks). It works for me because I’m happy single and wouldn’t otherwise be looking. That said, we’re pursuing it ONLY because he is moving to Europe this Autumn so we can have a more “normal” relationship if we want one. If that wasn’t on the cards then I wouldn’t have started it, no.

I was in a international LDR up until recently. We now live together and are planning a wedding. It’s not for the weak. It’s hard and tough and crappy but if it’s right it’ll be worth it!

TheStoic uhm honestly we haven't discussed the details of our potential future together yet. We both have good careers and we couls find jobs in London or Switzerland. Realistically, he must be paid a lot more than me considering his sector and line of work, but I earn quite well too.

Funny enough, I have been actually considering a move to Switzerland through my company, albeit to a different Swiss city from where he is based at the moment.

Outfoxed this sounds really encouraging

Inkydinky yes I suppose such a relationship only makes sense if there is an "end in sight" iyswim. Dating long distance forever is simply not possible.

Yes, definitely. It's still very early on. Just enjoy it, make it an excuse to do some traveling to spend time together and see what happens. Switzerland is not far at all. Some people probably drive further within the UK to see their partners. I met my dh working overseas. We did date for about 7 months or so while we lived there, so we at least knew by the point that we went long distance (both moved home to our respective countries at the same time) that we wanted to be in a fairly serious relationship with each other. We were long distance for 2.5 years (an 11 hour flight away on opposite sides of the world) while we sorted out our professional lives and immigration issues so we could live together. It was challenging at times, mostly because it was so expensive to make that trip (which one of us did every 3 months), but we knew that it was worth it for the future we'd have together. We got married 3 years after we first started dating and have been together nearly 10 years now (and 2 kids).

It's completely doable, especially with such a short flight between you, but once it gets serious enough, you will realistically have to have a serious conversation about where you will live and how you'll approach the future together if that's what you want. It does mean one of you has to give up what's familiar to you and move. In our case, that was me and I was quite happy to do that - I'd already worked overseas quite a bit, moving to the UK from my home country was a good career move anyway, and I had few sentimental attachments to my home country. So it was an easy decision to move (even if the expense of an international move and immigration solicitors and visas and all that is a challenge) and I think that's why it worked for us, because my dh was happy to stay where he was and I was quite happy to move away from where I grew up. I know in some couples a lot of resentment eventually festers because one partner feels like they had to give up too much for the relationship. It's not ever been an issue for us, but it's something to think about in the future. But for now, it's early days. Enjoy it, see what happens and go do some traveling together and make the most of it.

I'd say no but then I swore I'd never date anyone with children before I met dp ...

Sometimes you meet someone who you click with so much all your perceived ideas go out the window.

I wouldn't do it, no.

I know it's not for me. When we were dating, I liked being able to see DP several times a week and being able to pop by his if I missed him one night.

Now we live together and I can't imagine only seeing him at weekends, especially now we're planning a wedding and a family.

How will it work in the long run?

Sticky we both have lived abroad quite a bit and have mobile careers (which we can do in any city). I am not from the UK so I would
not mind leaving London if it came to that. At the same time he sounds quite open to moving to London.

Obviously these are considerations that would have to be made down the line, not in the early stages of dating. But it sounds to me like there are a lot of possible solutions to be together if we wanted to.

I had an LDR between London and Switzerland for 3 years and it worked just fine. We now live together (and have done for 8 years) in a different country so it is not doomed to end in disaster just because it was LDR. I was ten years older than you when the relationship started so I say - YES.

Try it out. You both have great feelings about this relationship so give it a little time to see if it is what you both want.

I think you should give it a try. I was in a LDR and we are now married. Not different countries but over 3 hours each way travel. I kept saying "It's obviously not going to last, but I'm having fun at the moment, so might as well keep going..." and here we are. With the available technology these days it's so easy to stay in touch when you can't physically be together.

If it doesn't work out, what have you lost other than the cost of a few flights? If you don't give it a try, you might always regret it.

It does depends on whether there is an end possibility of loving together. My DH and I lived 200 miles apart for the first 2 years of our relationship but I was at uni and we knew I would be moving back home. Granted for another 2 years we lived on opposite sides of London but we lived together eventually. Its hard work but can work out.

Obviously these are considerations that would have to be made down the line, not in the early stages of dating.

I think the risk with that, is that you both end up settled in your own lives (and countries) and then neither of you want to move. I mean, by all means give it a try but I think you need to think about the future and whether you're happy to spend the next 2/3/4 years apart for huge amounts of time.

It works for some, but not others.

I don't think it's for me and when.I was your age I was looking for a serious relationship leading to marriage...so that's why...but as you both seem open to moving...give it a go.

Sandy do you reckon a long-distance relationship stands no chances of turning into anything serious? The man in question says he is looking for a stable relationship as he feels ready to settle down.

"If it doesn't work out, what have you lost other than the cost of a few flights? If you don't give it a try, you might always regret it."

Mitzie this is very inspiring